The Joy of Sex, with Dion Agius

. This is a sequence of Dion from Vietnam that drifted off the cover of last issue and into the black hole of a hard-drive. It is resurrected here as pictorial evidence of Dion’s athleticism. Photos: D.Hump

First time:
I was a late bloomer. My friends were getting laid at 15 but I didn’t hump until I was 17. I had a girlfriend and when we finally did it. I went pretty mad first time around, I surprised myself. My first time was my best-ever performance. I’ve been getting progressively worse each root since.

Visual stimuli: 
I recently broke my foot so I’m out of the water and to kill the time I’ve been getting into some adult film. I get my gear off the net. My favourite site is redtube. On redtube you get quality daily uploads, girls from all over the world, great lesbian action and wild orgies. Real quality stuff.

Wet dreams:
I got em quite a bit when I was a kid but I don’t have them much anymore, maybe because I beat off too much. I don’t miss em, they’re messy and even in my dreams I was average at intercourse.

“I’m not into erotic asphyxiation. One minute she could be telling you to choke her out, next minute she could be down the cop shop telling them she’s been assaulted. I’ll pull at their hair if they ask me too but I don’t strangle em.”

Dirty talk:
I’ll tell her if I’m going to blow or if she’s doing something that feels really good but I’m pretty quiet when making love. I’ve got one mate that is the crazy man groaner. When he’s in bed with a chick he makes noises like a seal trying to give birth. When I was younger I got scared if a girl talked dirty to me but now that I’ve grown older, wiser, and a little creepier, it’s totally groovy.

Style:
K9 fa’sure.

Older woman:
I’ve been psyched on the older ladies lately but I’m 23 and going bald so I don’t really have any choice. The oldest woman I’ve been with was 36. It was in Miami a couple of years ago. She was extremely sexual and knew what she wanted and how to get it.

Pubes or no pubes:
I can’t stand bush. Why does hair even grow there? It serves no purpose. It’s not like the barney is gonna get cold without it. Whip it off!

Contraception:
The good old franger or I’ll eject and squirt. But you gotta use doms on the Gold Coast because it’s such a cess pit and everyone sleeps with everyone.

Threesomes:
I had two girls once. It was probably the greatest day of my life. There’s so many more options with a second woman in the mix, it’s almost confusing. I was like, “Where do I put it?” The morning after I couldn’t get rid of the girls fast enough because I wanted to get to the beach to tell the boys. Looking back now I should have stayed in bed for a few more rounds.

Erotic Asphyxiation:
Nah, not into it. One minute she could be telling you to choke her out, next minute she could be down the cop shop telling them she’s been assaulted. I’ll pull at their hair if they ask me too but I don’t strangle em.

Toys:
Toys are awesome, not for me but for her. If a girl wants to muck about on herself with a dildo or something before we get busy I’m cool with it.

Augmented Breasts:
I’m a big boob fan, they’re important. Fake cans are cool, great natural tits are better but no boobs kinda suck. As long as there’s something to hold onto I’m thrilled.

The ass:
I’m not particularly keen on anal. I don’t push for it but if it’s offered I’ll oblige although, on balance, I prefer to give than receive.

Best time for sex:
My favourite time to mate is the morning after a bit of a night out when you’re a little hung over. Ultimately there’s a little rain falling outside and we start out with a bit of a snuggle and kiss before going completely mad and getting all sweaty. Then you roll off each other for a sleep and go at it again later. Grouse!