Wavepool Kingpin Cheyne Magnusson Made it onto NPR

It’s no secret that the business-savvy Cheyne Magnusson and the boys at the Palm Springs Surf Club have been up to something devious the past few months. Blindfolding guys like Mason Ho and Blair Conklin, driving them out into the desert and scanning their brains to access classified wave formulas. It appears confidential information has leaked out from the rusted fence of the abandoned water park. Perhaps the park’s Chief Hydro Officer has said too much.

NPR, a publication for nerds who definitely do not get barreled, recently interviewed Cheyne about his mechanical wave contraption. Judging by the use of the word “Cowabunga” in the first sentence of the article, it’s pretty clear these uninformed dorks are navigating unchartered but highly chlorinated waters. Seriously, this interview is almost a year late. 

What do they have that we don’t? They don’t know Cheyne like we know Cheyne. Any coherent journalist could uncover the career as a professional surfer, but what about the important stuff? The appearances as a stunt surfer on TV shows like Ballers and Animal Kingdom. The skate cameo in Lords of Dogtown, and the food he inhaled from the buffet table on set. We even stayed by his side during the cringe MTV reality show and atrocious Osiris footwear.

Mr. Magusson, if you’re reading this, come home. Come home to us foul-mouthed surf obsessed imbeciles. Our vocabulary may be deficient, and our sentence structure doesn’t meet protocol, but we still care. We care about you. Part of me thinks you know this. After all, that ain’t no NPR shirt you’re wearing.

Love always,

Stab.