Stab Magazine | WOMAN'S FINGERS "DECAPITATED" IN SURFING INCIDENT. HILLARY CLINTON TO BLAME?

Now Unlocked: Chippa Wilson Stars In "Zipper"

5 Views

WOMAN’S FINGERS “DECAPITATED” IN SURFING INCIDENT. HILLARY CLINTON TO BLAME?

Stab tackles a truly alarming story hidden by the #DeepState

news // Aug 30, 2018
Words by stab
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Surfing is a dangerous sport.

Many have lost limbs. Some have been paralyzed. Others have literally died at the firm hands of Zeus.

And then just one week ago, right-wing conspiracy blogger Liz Crokin lost two fingers in a surfing accident. According to the video she posted to YouTube, Crokin was dragging her board by (what sounds like was) its leash string when a collision with a wave caused a severe strain on the string, thus causing the “decapitation” (her words) of her two intertwined digits.

Crokin, who is moderately famous for her beliefs in an elite pedofile ring (boasting 90k Twitter followers and 34k YouTube subs), took to Twitter to chronicle the situation, which started normally enough but quickly veered into the obscure:

Screen Shot 2018 08 29 at 8.36.01 PM

Screen Shot 2018 08 29 at 8.36.08 PM

Screen Shot 2018 08 29 at 8.36.16 PM

Finger foods?! Guys and sponge baths?! Sorry… continue.

Screen Shot 2018 08 29 at 8.36.46 PM

Screen Shot 2018 08 29 at 8.36.56 PM

If those tweets didn’t effectively elucidate Crokin’s beliefs, sit back and enjoy this snippet from her 24-minute recount of the surfing incident, in which she indirectly implicates Democratic presidential nominee and a world-renowned performance artist  in her surfing incident:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/P2sW6uGzhZU

“These people that I expose engage in witchcraft,” Crokin said. “You know, the people like Marina Abramović, the people like Hillary Clinton, [the people] from the deep state articles that are getting ready to write a hit piece on me right now. Well, look it up. Look it up. Do research on Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton and their trip to Haiti and how—I think it was on their honeymoon—they admitted to doing voodoo there together. Research Marina Abramović; she talks about the rituals she does, she’s an occultist.

“All these people dabble in witchcraft and spirit cooking,” she added. “So, do these people do witchcraft against me? Of course they do. And I wouldn’t be surprised if they were casting spells on me the night before.”

So what do you think? Could Hillary and Marina be behind this brutal de-fingering by way of black magic, or did Crokin simply stick her fingers in the wrong hole?

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

Stab Interview: Laura Enever On Her World Record Payday, Why Cloudbreak Bites Harder Than Shipsterns + The Terrors Of Live Commentary

"If you could sum up someone's career in a sentence, that's it – Got a…

May 5, 2024

Full Frame: “Mullet Lord” Frolics In The Fruits Of His Realm

Beloved Aussie coffee shop owner colludes with lip to brew steamy concoction.

May 5, 2024

Erin Brooks And Mikey McDonagh Summit Freshly Spawned Mountain Of Challenger Series Rankings

Perfect 10s, phallic polyurethane, and numerous benthic vortexes marked the Bonsoy Gold Coast Pro.

May 4, 2024

Paul Fisher Resurrects Iconic Dick Board, Inadvertently Saves The WSL

Surfing's gone soft? Take this blue pill.

May 3, 2024

2 Australian Surfers, 1 American Still Missing In Baja California, Mexico

Three suspects have been arrested, a truck was found burned, but the friends remain "missing".

May 2, 2024

Zipper Offcut: A Pacific Island Micro-Wedge

Chippa, Harry, Dion, a hazardous ramp, and a near fiberglass-vasectomy.

May 2, 2024

UNLOCKED: Chippa Wilson Stars In ‘Zipper’ — A Surf Film By Stab & Monster

Featuring Filipe Toledo, Harry Bryant, Bobby Martinez, Eithan Osborne, Taro Watanabe, and Dion Agius.

May 2, 2024

Is Nat Young’s 4.03 A Symbol Of Surf Judging Demise, Or A Harmless Scoring Aberration?

World champs, super coaches, WSL commentators and more sound off on the state of surf…

May 1, 2024

How Stretch And Nathan Fletcher SpaceX’d Surfboard Design Into The Future

“I brought the boards to Hawaii and everybody laughed at me. Everyone except Michael Ho…

Apr 30, 2024

Doug Silva Is The Skullet-Locked 12x World Party Champ Working Wonders For Seth Moniz’s Tour Trajectory

Here's how he uses EDM + storytelling to snap talent into 'infected alligators'.

Apr 30, 2024

Marti Paradisis On The New Shipsterns Safety Initiative + The Laziness Of Bandwagoning Swell Carnivals

Before calling Shipsterns Bluff and getting flexed, read this. 

Apr 28, 2024

Full Frame: A 15-Minute, One-Wave Pipe Session

"Oh shit, that was kind of nuts, I think I think I'm just gonna go…

Apr 27, 2024

Want Half-A-Brain? Keep Calling Helmets Lame

Kai Lenny surfs hideous Jaws + Mavs + Waimea, joins esteemed list of surfers to…

Apr 27, 2024

80 Men And 48 Women Enter The CS Gauntlet — Only 15 Will Survive

Your 2024 Challenger Series x Gold Coast Pro preview.

Apr 26, 2024

The Best Surfing I’ve Ever Seen: Nate Lawrence

Kolohe, Cola Bros, Luke Davis, Crane, and "the most magical 3 weeks ever had in…

Apr 25, 2024

Snapper To Return To The CT In 2025(!) + WSL Announces Season Wildcards

Next year is looking up. Here's what we know...

Apr 25, 2024

Kelly Slater Will Surf In Tahiti And Fiji CT Events — And He’s Bringing A Secret Weapon With Him

What's it like to coach an 11x champ? We asked Glenn "Micro" Hall.

Apr 24, 2024

Watch: A Masterclass In Belated Drops At The Teepee Capital Of The World

And the rest of the O’Neill team sticks the landing in Hawaii.

Apr 24, 2024
Advertisement