7 Ways to avoid being @Kook_Of_The_Day

Words by Ali Klinkenberg | Art Direction by @Kook_of_the_day

Surfing’s a queer bastion of recreation. Extracurriculars like golf and tennis have dress codes and rules, and ignoring them results in you being prohibited from playing. Surfing has concrete etiquette in the water that’s hammered into beginners (often unsuccessfully) by plaques at the beach, surf schools, or ‘core’ surfers. But, there’s also a whole host of faux pas surrounding etiquette outside of the water, that are much harder to become savvy to. Whereas in golf breaking the code can lead to you being asked to leave the clubhouse, in surfing, crossing the invisible boundary will render you being labelled a ‘kook.’ And that’s just the worst. There’s no ark of the covenant into which you can dive to brush up on what is and isn’t acceptable in your behaviour around surfing, so, if you’ve come from a non-costal environment to the sport, you’re basically stuffed. And, that’s deliberate. Surfing’s unwritten rules are the last line of protection for an activity that’s traversed the globe like an incurable virus. There was only one authority to turn to in this exploration of kookiness, the gatekeeper to the kook world, and owner of one of the best Instagram handles in the game, Mr @Kook_of_The_Day. Here’s his seven rules to avoid ending up as a star of KOTD:

1. “Cost Co is not a surf shop.” Surf shops have become virtually obsolete in the surf world. The only reason for a surfer to visit a surf shop is to purchase hardware, and, the savvy surfer buys in bulk from the internet. The best hardware is produced by surf specific companies, and, no fruitful surf career ever began in Costco.

2. “No Convertibles.” Surfing’s cool and so are convertibles. Unfortunately cool + cool doesn’t = ice cool. Nothing highlights you as a wanker like an Italian sports car with a surfboard awkwardly protruding from the front seat. A wanker and a kook, that’s just the worst combination known to man.

3. “Houses and airports are the only two non surf-specific buildings that you’re permitted to take your surfboard into.” There is no reason to ever take a surfboard into a supermarket, and times that by a hundred for an Apple Store.  Full stop. Shopping and surfing are two contrasting activities that should have their own designated time slots.

 4. “Car/beach-change-surf-return-change-go on with day.” Hey man I like bloody Mary’s too, but you’re lying if you tell me that sweltering in that rubber suit’s enhancing your cocktail drinking experience. And guy on the left, time for socks means time for pants, and a shirt.

5. “I don’t think dogs like surfing….let them enjoy the beach.” You see rover digging those paws into the wax like his life depends on it? That’s because he think it does! He’s not enjoying himself, he’s in survival mode. Leave the poor critter on the beach.

6. “Thou shalt not announce that you’re a surfer unless you really have to.” Surf tattoo’s are a cardinal sin, especially ones that look like murder weapons and those that have been very poorly translated into English. Keep it secret, keep it safe.

7. “Embrace your inner kook; We’re all kooks in our own way!” Becoming irate at a kook sees your own kook ranking soar until you actually surpass the one that made you loose your cool. Have a giggle, take a snap, send it into @Kook_of_the_day and get on with your life. Laird Hamilton’s one of the most respected surfers of all time, and here he is, kooking it it up in monumental fashion on a golf board. Life’d be a dull game without the Kooks!