The Worst Gifts To Buy A Surfer

It is almost the time for giving.

Which means it is the time for buying. Which means it is the time for you to get your shit together because thoughts only count in chess, abusive relationships, and psychological warfare.

And so it is the time for a Holiday gift guide.

Giving a good surf gift is easy. Some quality wax. Boardshorts. Maybe a leash. A trip, if you’re rich. A wetsuit or a boardbag, if you know that one is needed. Boards can be hit or miss — but there are a few surefire options.

However, giving a bad surf gift is even easier. Which is why I’ve busied myself this season with a guide on what not to give your loved ones who surf.

Shall we?

Slip into an Riberio.

WSL Jersey

Here’s a rule of thumb: If you have ever had sex, or plan on it in the future, you shouldn’t own one of these.

Most Home Decor

Candles. Pillows. The vast majority of ocean-inspired paintings or photographs. Unless your loved one cites “Legend” by Bob Marley as their all-time favorite album, there is a good chance he or she will despise all of these things.

GoPro Nose Mount

The international symbol of “please drop in on me.”

If this is not in your dear friend’s foreseeable future, stick to the groveler, Maverick.

A 10’2”

Pardon me, you may be thinking. A gun might be one of the most special gifts one could give.

You are wrong.

Buying someone a gun is a terrible idea. They will be happy at first. They will tell themselves it is the board that will bring them to the best wave of their life and think of ways they can start training — eating better, working out, breathing exercises, the whole nine.

You know what happens next? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The owner changes nothing about his or her life and gathers excuses each and every swell. The board, in all of its beauty, waits patiently. One year in, it hasn’t touched the water. Two years in, same…

The truth is that anybody who legitimately wants to surf waves that require a 10’2” probably already has a 10’2”. Buying one for someone who doesn’t fit into that criteria is essentially erecting a big, timeless monument of their cowardice.

Just get them a t-shirt instead.

Adult Surf Coaching

I’m not sure if this exists in real life or only in theory, but stay away from either version.

“Change the way you glide”

Location Co Wax

It ranked last on our definitive guide to surf wax, which means buying this for someone is your way of telling them you hope they fall off their surfboard.

The grass is always cleaner…

Changing Mats

If you’ve never got your wetsuit dirty while exposing yourself in a parking lot then you’re not core.

Pulitzer Prize Winner vs Stabmagdotcommercial… the answer is simple.

Books About Surfing

Even if it made the New York Times bestsellers list, it would still be a step down from the journalism you can access for free here at Stab.