The Official Founders’ Cup Drinking Game

A training day (unless you are surfing) at Kelly Slater’s pond is much more enjoyable when you aren’t invited. When your wrist is sans blue band and you’re forced to weasel your way in using utter idiocy and sheer determination. The fun of Lemoore is plotting at the Tachi Casino–an air-conditioned, geriatric gambling hall–surrounded by Marlboro smoke with a cool adult beverage in hand.

Yesterday, we sat poolside and watched the world’s best. We baked, the temperature peaked at 5 pm. The 700-yard body of water glistened in the sun, a bathtub of jewels and diamonds and manmade barrels. One of which, no one, other than competitors could enter – a desert mirage.

By 2 pm, we were dying for a drink, and not one of the water or cold brew kind (which were graciously being served). But a beverage that could dull sensation. One that could scramble your brain with drunken bliss, and bring you to cheer for Adriano de Souza under the moniker Italo Ferreira. Unfortunately, until the evening, none of these drinks would be served. The barkeeps, two pretty girls in black dresses, were under strict orders to not serve a drop of alcohol before 5 pm. Oh, how we counted down the minutes!

When the clock struck 5, and the temperature peaked at 92 degrees, we drank. The Surf Ranch turned into a pleasant kickback. Lily Meola sung songs. Kelly Slater and Carrissa Moore eventually joined her on stage for a Fleetwood Mac cover. Hors d’oeuvres were handed out on toothpicks, dinner was served, we were sufficiently lubricated and all of the above complaints felt silly.

Carrissa Moore and Kelly Slater with the musical assist last night.

Photography

COLTON TISCH

So, with drinks on our mind, for those watching from home, we bring you the Official WSL Sanctioned Founders’ Cup Drinking Game:

It’s pretty simple, the below rules apply for every heat.

– Each time Strider is asked to explain the conditions have a drink. 
– If the words Historic, Future, or Game Changer are mentioned, uh, drink. 
– Call out the score following each wave, if you’re one full point off – above or below – get sipping.
– If a competitor doesn’t make a tube, drink. 
– Have a drink every time Parko’s moustache is mentioned, or the camera pans to Parko’s moustache. 
– If someone lands an alley-oop on the end section, drink.

The below rules apply to heats by Nation:

Your Brazilians are Silvana Lima, Filipe Toledo, Gabby Medina, Taina Hinckel, Adriano de Souza.

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WSL

Team Brazil

– Each time Gabriel Medina is referenced as the first Brazilian world champ, drink. 
– If you think, what’s a Taina Hinckel? Drink.

Your Worldlies are Michel Bourez, Jordy Smith, Paige Hareb, Kanoa Igarashi and Bianca Buitendag.

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WSL

Team World

– If the commentators talk about Jordy’s choice of surfboard drink. 
– Have a drink if the commentators refer to Kanoa Igarashi as an American surfer, he’s obviously Japanese.

Your Australians are Joel Parko, Mick Fanning, Steph Gilmore, Tyler Wright and Matty Wilko.

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WSL

Team Australia

– Drink whenever Mick’s retirement is mentioned. 
– Drink whenever the fact that Parko has yet to retire is mentioned.

Your Europeans are Leo Fioravanti, Jeremy Flores, Joanne Defay, Frankie Harrer and Frederico Morais.

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WSL

Team Europe

– If you hear the term, Italian Stallion in reference to Leo Fioravanti, drink. 
– If you mistake Joanne Defay for Frankie Harrer, drink.

Your Americans are John John Florence, Carrissa Moore, Kelly Slater, Lakey Peterson and Kolohe Andino.

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WSL

Team America

– Drink every time Kolohe Andino and Griffin Colapinto are compared and contrasted. 
– Drink for the duration of every one of Kelly Slater’s barrels.

This game is meant to be enjoyed with friends, but if you want to play alone, that’s cool too.