Stab Magazine | Stab Recommends: Five Things To Lift Spirits After A Mugging

How Surfers Get Paid will drop at 6pm on Friday September 30


Stab Recommends: Five Things To Lift Spirits After A Mugging

Should’ve seen the size of ’em!

style // May 13, 2019
Words by Stab
Reading Time: 2 minutes

I gave up drinking excessively two years ago. These days it takes a rare and specific set of circumstances to get more than one cold beer and two glasses of mid-quality claret down my throat, and on Wednesday the stars aligned. My English Father and I have supported a formerly crappy football team called Tottenham Hotspur for the majority of our lives (25 for me, over double for him). There’s prestige in supporting bad clubs in the UK.

My Dad’s been diagnosed with cancer, crucial surgery on Tuesday, and on Wednesday night our team won the most incredible game of sport I’ve ever seen, qualifying for the final of the Champions League, the biggest competition in the world. I watched the game in a Dutch bar in Bolivia, subsequently breaking down in a bar full of disgruntled clog-wearers. A Bolivian gent and his wife took pity on an overwhelmed Englishman, bought me a shot of Maca, and proceeded to pour grog down my neck and take me out to dinner.

After far too many “Salute”s (and trying to excuse myself multiple times) I found myself stumbling around the back streets of Sucre, phone out, trying to find my hotel. Subsequently, I got jumped by a gang of Bolivian street kids, the oldest of whom would’ve been 16, the tallest, just over armpit height. A scuffle ensued, one jumped on my back, and after copping a few in the mouth and ribs, I eventually gave up my iPhone. Getting punched in the face sucks, even by tiny fists, so here’s a few material objects I’m going to try and contra, in a vain attempt to make myself feel better about this sorry episode.




Wrap Me Up And Keep Me Warm

Wrapping yourself in an unnecessarily big, soft towel after a surf/shower/river swim is one of the oldest and greatest pleasures. Slowtide have towels for all occasions (seriously, go have a click around, their warehouse must be gigantic) and shelling out for a high-quality, tastefully-decorated sheet is something no one regrets.

Wrap me up like Mummy used to.

Romper Stompers

I’ve been enamoured with the iconic Australian work boot since seeing Rasta stomping around the Tasmanian wilderness in a pair (and subsequently threading the Shipsterns) in Patagonia’s masterful Never Town. Could come in handy in a street fight too. Real men’s boots.

Real men’s boots.

Break Free!

We’ve been bamboozled friends. Shackled and conned by the marketed ghost of a ‘genius’ into thinking there’s only one option, signing ourselves up to ludicrous phone plans, replacing screens, bleeding $$$. It’s pretty, it’s less than $200, it works. Sure Samsung’s VP went to the slammer last year for bribery, embezzlement, capital flight and perjury, but at least they’re openly dodgy. Telecommunications is sleazier than porn.

A sensible phone, for a sensible price.

So Fresh And So Clean

New tees are scientifically proven to make anyone feel a little brighter. Vissla’s recent collab with NYC artist Jason Woodside is one of the finer yieldings of when art and surf collide.

Cover your hide with something pretty.

 When It Hits You, You Feel No Pain

The imps only made off with a set of Apple buds, but obviously I didn’t tell the insurance company that. Sennheiser make quality headphones without the Bose price point, and so long as I don’t end up on the stand next to the Samsung mob for insurance fraud, I’ll be grabbing a pair of these, a step up from the ones the clumsy hostie trampled on on the plane over. 

Music, heals all.


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