Stab Magazine | Instagram Is Stupid

Instagram Is Stupid

But Rinsed Surfing Magazine is funny.

style // Oct 13, 2018
Words by Stab
Reading Time: 4 minutes

My wife and the Stab editors recently, respectively, forced me to purchase my first non-burner cell phone and begin maintaining an Instagram account. 

I hate the damn phone so fucking much. It never stops beeping and chiming with nonsense I don’t want to deal with. Text after text after text, jarring bullshit from which I was blessedly free back when all I had was a landline and people were forced to actually speak to me when they wanted something.

Instagram ain’t much better.

Between the ocean, travel, and drugs my own life is interesting enough that I don’t need to live vicariously through others. I don’t care what you ate for lunch. I’ve already seen the sun set over the ocean ten trillion times. Selfies make you look like an idiot. No one gives a fuck about your vacation photos. The very notion of ‘influencers’ makes me want to fly into a foaming-at-the-mouth, middle-aged, get-off-my-lawn-you-stupid-fucking-kids rage. 

There are a couple facets I can get behind. I thoroughly enjoy all the young women in various states of undress. Things that make me laugh, as few and far between as they may be, are always welcome.

I’ve been digging the Greenroom Times (Check out Stab x GRT’s A Week in the Greenroom here) and Rinsed Surfing Magazine quite a bit. Satirical headlines in the spirit of The Onion and The Betoota Advocate. Both are good for a solid chuckle on the regular. Since the GRT already have a space here, I called up the Rinsed guys to see what they’re all about. 

Screen Shot 2018 10 11 at 4.51.42 PM

As @mfanno reached the final in his last event at Bells, before losing to avoid any claims of rigging by the @wsl ( #youcantscriptthis – winky face), surfers around the world have taken to social media to congratulate Mick, who we presume to be really happy that Ryan from Wollongong in Australia thinks he’s done a good job over the course of his career. In retirement, Fanning is rumoured to be looking at tackling why he created a sandal that opens bottled beer and a beer company that produces canned beer. #cheersmick

Surfing is obviously a convoluted and complicated thing in terms of- is it a sport? Is it a hobby? Is it a passion? I read William Finnegan’s book, Barbarian Days, two years ago and that got me thinking about- why do we really surf? What do we get out of it? What’s your reward if you surf for, say, seventy-five years? You’ve been focusing your life, your work, your holidays, your family, on it. What do you get out of it? What’s your end goal?

And that led up to thinking the surf industry, as a whole. It’s not very self-reflective. Surfers, I think, also are not very self reflective. So we wanted to bring that voice to the table. I think that’s really important.

We also wanted to highlight issues we often take as commonplace. Silly stuff, like getting aggressive in the water. Sometimes surfers need aggression, if you’re surfing Pipeline of something, but if you’re surfing Venice or Manly at a mushy two foot it becomes kind of ridiculous to be running some kind of priority or local system.

Screen Shot 2018 10 11 at 4.51.55 PM

Local surfers Sara and Nathan were stoked to find their favorite break delivering beautiful 3 foot offshore conditions this morning. Eager to get wet, the pair quickly suited up. Suddenly a passerby, who didn’t appear to be from the area, stopped to deliver a gravely ominous warning. “Looks real sharky out there today,” he said. “Bet they come in here to breed.” When questioned about the source for such alarming comments, the stranger referenced a newspaper article his sister had mailed him a few years ago but could not give any solid scientific or statistical grounds for the claim. Although he did add, “Pretty gray today,” pointing at the sky as a demonstration sharks are particularly fond of overcast weather.

Screen Shot 2018 10 11 at 6.05.59 PM

Local surfer, Travis, got a cheeky confidence boost this morning when he saw himself in a car window on his walk to the water. The Valencia-filter reflection smoothed his jawline and gave a deep brown tan, while the position of his surfboard accentuated his biceps and ultimately reminded him of a slightly younger version of sexy surfing symbol, @lukedavisthegrey “Huh,” he proudly said to himself before making his way to the line up.

The two men behind Rinsed asked to remain anonymous in order to protect themselves from potential backlash wrought by poking fun at grown men playing in the ocean. It’s a legitimate concern. The people who make money from the “sport” don’t enjoy being the object of ridicule. Being blackballed, or having someone call your boss to bitch and moan, happens more often than it should. It’s no secret that those of us who talk the most shit typically have someone else paying our bills. Spouses, parents. In some cases, both. If you’re paying your own way through life you need to be cautious.

There’s no real business model behind Rinsed. They sell some shirts and hoodies on their site, but prices are low and half of any profit goes to Surf Aid. Which is a nice thing to do. Even if they aren’t, admittedly, selling many.

You can follow Rinsed Surfing Magazine here


Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up


Most Recent

How A Former CT Surfer Gets “Absolute Beginners” Barreled In A Matter Of Months

Luke Stedman elaborates on his Blackball surf programs.

Aug 7, 2022


Sweeter Than Stolen Honey 

A versatile Haydenshapes x Dylan Graves HP (and soft board) tested in weird waves.

Aug 7, 2022

15-Year-Old Ladybird Erin Brooks Makes Final In All-Men’s Tuberiding Event

And Clay Marzo takes the dub.

Aug 6, 2022

Are We Looking At Reef Sculpting The Wrong Way? 

The pros, cons, possibilities, and mechanisms of changing reefs to suit our surfing desires.

Aug 6, 2022

The Gudang Trio Discusses Brotherhood And How To Make It To The Mountain Top Together  

Positive sibling vibrations we should all aspire to.

Aug 6, 2022


Everyone’s Local Zone Has A Mythical Wave

Kai Lenny, Imaikalani DeVault, Eli Hanneman and friends get to surf theirs.

Aug 5, 2022

The Pick-Up, Vans US Open: Harry Bryant Vs. The Wedge

A lot of swell, stolen identities, surf masochists, mutilated noses, The Wedge, skull-crushing pylons, and…

Aug 5, 2022

When Gabby And Kolohe Pull Out, The Hog Pulls In

Tahiti wildcards named.

Aug 5, 2022

First Look: The 2022 Electric Acid Surfboards

Did our questionable EAST gamble pay off for Mick Fanning's Maldivian quiver ?

Aug 4, 2022

How Boardshorts Work

They are your one chance to look cool while actually surfing. Don’t blow it.

Aug 4, 2022

A Surf/Snow/Music Fez In The Heart Of Melbourne 

URBNSURF is throwing an action-sports/live music DOOF this month and Stab Premium members are getting…

Aug 4, 2022

Peace, Love, And Mung Beans: 7 Things I Learned From Mick Fanning

Ranging from surf travel hacks to philosophy to jingle lyrics.

Aug 2, 2022

The Three Million Dollar Chinese Storm

500 board orders, coaching armies, and trips around the world — here's how China’s Olympic…

Aug 1, 2022

The Pick-Up, Vans US Open: Does The Huntington Hop Actually Work?

Ed Templeton explains Huntington Beach, the ugliest maneuver in surfing returns, a horde of strange…

Aug 1, 2022

So Long, S-Turns

Famous Outer Banks surf spot becomes a scenic detour.

Jul 31, 2022

What’s Going On With Stab Edit Of The Year? 

Update time.

Jul 31, 2022


Watch: Laurie Towner Spent 8 Months On The Road In Australia

Guess how many waves he found.

Jul 30, 2022

WSL Says: No Seignosse For You!

Who is helped and who is hurt by France's abandoned CS event?

Jul 30, 2022