Stab Magazine | Does Equal Pay For Woman Transfer To $urf Coaches? Michel Bourez Brushes An Autograph Request, And The #50YearStorm Is A Hoax

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Does Equal Pay For Woman Transfer To $urf Coaches? Michel Bourez Brushes An Autograph Request, And The #50YearStorm Is A Hoax

Welcome back to Gossip Girl, Bells edition

style // Apr 26, 2019
Words by Stab
Reading Time: 3 minutes

With all the laydays at the Rip Curl Pro, there’s been loads of spare time for beers, environmental protests, and, well, talking shit with surfing’s most prominent. 

This gal has spent the last week bouncing between Tour cliques, accumulating hot wax to later rub below.

Gaze south for the Torquay gossip we could, but aren’t gonna ignore. 

The 50 year storm is just… not.

The WSL has been pushing the 50 year storm line with an enviable vigor. Their forecasting partner, Surfline, says that’s not gonna happen.

The social posts are quite contrasting, see below:

WSL: 

The caption reads: Three days of Epic Bells starts today #50yearstorm

Surfline’s lead forecaster, Kevin Wallis: 

The caption reads: 50-year storm and swell for the Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach? Well, no, but it does look impressive and should deliver one of the largest competition swells of the last 20 years, if not longer.

While the WSL has clear commercial reasons for promoting this major swell event, it seems pointless to flaunt the fallacy of a “50 year storm” when two decades – also a very impressive period between swells of a certain magnitude – is actually on the table.

But hey, we’ll be watching either way.

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The decal in question is on the nose of Miss McCaulay. Honesty, we kind of like it! Photo: WSL

The new R-O-X-Y sticker

Roxy has come out with a new sticker for (most of) its team riders. We say most because, well, Steph Gilmore appears unwilling to depart from the double-mountain double-wave heart on her nose.

The general reaction to the new logo, which features the white letters R-O-X-Y in a black square, has been unequivocally adverse –although history will show, change is a fearful notion. 

We’ve heard the terms “ugly”, “hideous”, and “a literal assault on my eyeballs” thrown around quite liberally, which is perhaps why Steph has chosen to keep it traditional, while Roxy’s less established CTers, Caroline Marks and Bronte McCaulay, lack the cultural capital to make such a bold statement.

Better call Stace

Surfers are not very good at math. It’s just a rule. Look at how badly we fuck up wave heights, World Title calculations (never forget Slater 2011), and more recently, the number of years in which we’ve seen a swell of a certain caliber.

At the same time, the Championship Tour is all about numbers. How many points do I need to beat so-and-so, and what place do I need to requalify next year?

Stace Galbraith – former coach to Jack Freestone and Nikki Van Dijk, current coach to Malia Manuel and Ricardo Christie – has become the Tour’s go-to numbers guys. Because Stace is an obsessive surf fan who also excels in basic arithmetic, he’s officially the most qualified person across the vast web of WSL hangers-on to inform surfers of their current ranking, and what they need to do to improve it.

So, got a question about your seeding? Call Stace.

Equal Pay equals more pay for $urf coaches

The field of coaching has exploded over the past four years. What started with Micro Hall using every last pinch of his good Irish fortune to get Matty Wilko back-to-back wins has turned into a widespread growth in employment across all levels of competitive surfing, with Peter Townend reportedly earning millions for coaching the Chinese national surf team.

And it gets better (for the coaches).

This year, because the women have earned a significant increase in pay, it’s been reported that some coaches have upped the prices for their female athletes.

This has reportedly caused tension amongst some of the athletes, who believe that just because they’re making more money, doesn’t necessarily mean their coaches should too.

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If the Spartan loses, ask his management for a signature. Photo: WSL

If Michel Bourez loses, don’t give him a sharpie. 

Yesterday we eavesdropped quite the rumor. It came from a child, so we know it’s true. 

After Michel Bourez’s loss, he headed up the Winkipop stairs and went straight to his car. At this point, several kids had run over to get the Spartan’s signature, but being so upset about his defeat, Michel disappeared into his vehicle and got an assistant to sign the signatures for him.

The kids then ran back to their mom and recounted this tale (which we happened to overhear), to which the mother replied, “What? Somebody else signed his signature? How does that work?”

We have no idea but it’s very funny and also reminds us of the time Jeremy Flores shattered a young child’s heart by not signing his poster at J-Bay

https://www.youtube.com/embed/hLO6fQd2DfI

See you at the 50 year storm.

Until next time

xoxo,

GG

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