Robbie Maddison rides dirt bike at Teahupoo

Somewhere in the world, at some point in time, a marketing manager decided that it’d be a good idea to have motocrosser Robbie Maddison ride his dirt bike at Teahupoo. How does one even ride a dirt bike on water, let alone at one of the world’s most dangerous waves, which has somehow in recent years become ground zero of stupid fucking ideas in surfing? From which Stab isn’t exempt; We had Bruce Irons surf the Tahitian left in a blindfold, which was either fabulous or ridiculous (funny how closely those two dance), and the jury’s still out. But a dirt bike is a whole ‘nother level. Maybe the wave’s inclusion in the new Point Break film put it on the extreme non-surf radar.

Let’s talk logistics for a moment. The bike’s fitted out with planes on each wheel to allow a small portion of tire in the water, the perpetual motion of which works like a miniature, high-speed paddle steamer and shoots the bike forward. Once dear Robbie has sufficiently disturbed some natural Tahitian serenity, he literally rides off The End Of The Road, before upsetting some locals going about their daily canoe sesh, before, obviously, ripping through the Chopesian lineup into a left or two – the second of which puts him in a rather unideal situation. Spoiler: He makes it.

To be frank, I’m devastated/surprised that this wasn’t Laird Hamilton. In fairness though, the Good Laird was busy in The Hamptons teaching Lena Dunham to SUP.