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We promise this won't (really) hurt.

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Watch: Did A Canadian Man Inspire The Widespread Curse That Has Plagued 2020?

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Watch: Did A Canadian Man Inspire The Widespread Curse That Has Plagued 2020?

Despite what Donald Trump says, I believe that a Canadian man, not a Chinese "wet market", is actually responsible for the world's current state.  

Pete Devries, as we all know, is the President of Canada. Or the king. What do they have up there again?

Anyway, due to the length of his term in office—roughly 20 years, which makes me think he's probably a king after all—Pete rarely left his arctic paradise, but if he did, it was to examine the natural resources of other similarly-climated regions. 

Never, ever, did Pete visit somewhere that could be described as having a "moderate" temperature, let alone "warm". 

Until 2019, that is. 

In 2019, Pete Devries left his royal forest for the Mexican desert. On a reconnaissance mission of unknown purpose, Pete and a few of his cronies (Noah Cohen and the token American Kevin Schulz) scoured the coastline for gold, oil, or some other forbidden fruit. Whether or not they enraged the spirit of an ancient Aztec ruler who subsequently cast a curse upon our earth, we can't be sure. But we can state with certainty that the world has not been the same since Pete stripped his 6 mil rubber for a pair of four-way-stretch boardies. 

Also, Tom Curren. 

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