Stab Magazine | Watch: Did A Canadian Man Inspire The Widespread Curse That Has Plagued 2020?

Live Now: Cheat Codes With Coco Ho

303 Views

Watch: Did A Canadian Man Inspire The Widespread Curse That Has Plagued 2020?

Tom Curren cameos are always appreciated. 

cinema // Aug 3, 2020
Words by stab
Reading Time: < 1 minute

Despite what Donald Trump says, I believe that a Canadian man, not a Chinese “wet market”, is actually responsible for the world’s current state.  

Pete Devries, as we all know, is the President of Canada. Or the king. What do they have up there again?

Anyway, due to the length of his term in office—roughly 20 years, which makes me think he’s probably a king after all—Pete rarely left his arctic paradise, but if he did, it was to examine the natural resources of other similarly-climated regions. 

Never, ever, did Pete visit somewhere that could be described as having a “moderate” temperature, let alone “warm”. 

Until 2019, that is. 

In 2019, Pete Devries left his royal forest for the Mexican desert. On a reconnaissance mission of unknown purpose, Pete and a few of his cronies (Noah Cohen and the token American Kevin Schulz) scoured the coastline for gold, oil, or some other forbidden fruit. Whether or not they enraged the spirit of an ancient Aztec ruler who subsequently cast a curse upon our earth, we can’t be sure. But we can state with certainty that the world has not been the same since Pete stripped his 6 mil rubber for a pair of four-way-stretch boardies. 

Also, Tom Curren. 

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

From ‘Blue Ribbon Cross Country Runner’ to Vogue – How Steph Again Is Back With A Rip Curl Remix

Everything we know about the she-GOATs sponsorship boomerang.

Mar 18, 2024

Stab Interview: Darren Handley On Why You Can’t Buy The Winning Stab In The Dark Model

And his decades-long standoff with Slater.

Mar 17, 2024

Griff Embraces Portugal’s Eternal Time Loop To Vanquish Medina + Ewing, Defay Delays The Inevitable

A redeeming closing act at Supertubos.

Mar 16, 2024

The Secret Behind Lungi Slabb’s Inconceivable Greenmount Funnel

Six broken boards, one leaking forehead, and five days of Superbank mysticism.

Mar 16, 2024

Cheat Codes: 2,000 Hours Worth Of Travel Advice From Coco Ho

Hard-earned wisdom from 989,000 miles in the troposphere.

Mar 15, 2024

Dane Reynolds On The Best + Worst Surfboard He’s Designed, Why The ‘Neckbeard’ Is A Misnomer, And How To Appear Cultured When Sizing Up A New Stick

Plus, an introduction to the newly-minted CI Dumpster Diver 2.

Mar 14, 2024

The Most Cinematic Surf Film Since ‘View From A Blue Moon?’

The best wave of Noah Beschen's life at sinister Chopes and 540s with Tyler, The…

Mar 13, 2024

Watch: ‘Vacation 2’ Presented By Monster Energy

Stab Highway Europe winners visit House of Somos, Costa Rica.

Mar 13, 2024

DHD Wins Stab In The Dark With Kolohe Andino

Plus, which Orwellian Premium members best prophesied our Stab In The Dark winners?

Mar 12, 2024

The Shortest Day At Supertubos

Early bird gets the skunk.

Mar 12, 2024

Watch: Kelly Slater Bails On Onshore Portugal, Gets Supertubed at Kirra Instead

“No ski. No runarounds. No snaps.”

Mar 12, 2024

Rumor: 8x World Champion Stephanie Gilmore To Leave Roxy For Another Legacy Surf Brand

The woman who Kelly Slater called 'God's gift to surfing' ignites a bidding war.

Mar 12, 2024

The Longest Day At Supertubos

Much to love, little to hate.

Mar 12, 2024

Joel Parkinson, Jay Davies, And Mark Zuckerberg Jog Into A Jingoistic Surf Biathlon…

An American's POV of the Australian Boardriders Battle.

Mar 11, 2024

No SuperToobs Today, But We’ll Never Turn Down A Rippable Wedge

Any port in a storm.

Mar 10, 2024

The Serendipitous Tale Of A Barnacle-Encrusted 10’0” That Survived 300 Days + 700kms On The East Australia Current

Paddy Power’s big wave gun was lost at Wedding Cake Island, Sydney and collected (by…

Mar 10, 2024

Was Fiji Last Week As Special As The Thundercloud Swell Of 2012?

“I’ve never seen so many people get so many good ones,” said 2023 SSOTY Nathan…

Mar 9, 2024

SEOTY: Hughie Vaughan Discovered A New Wave In Indonesia — But He Doesn’t Know Where It Is

Watch 'Nibbler' — the 17-year-old's bite-sized 2024 Stab Edit of The Year entry.

Mar 9, 2024
Advertisement