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We promise this won't (really) hurt.

Wanna win a new surfboard? We have a custom Chilli ‘Black Vulture’ to gift (plus all the trim you’d expect from a premium dealer). To be in the running, just answer a few questions for us. It won’t take long.

Billy Kemper and Mikala Jones Get Piped So We Don't Have To

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Billy Kemper and Mikala Jones Get Piped So We Don't Have To

Getting skunked on a surf trip absolutely sucks. But scoring too much can be just as bad.

Gigantic, barrelling, million-mile-per-hour waves are scary. They're hard to surf. The vast majority of us aren't mentally equipped to handle them. Sitting on a boat, or beach, far from home and watching waves roar by unridden because you've got your tail tucked between your legs and your testicles sucked up into your body is a bitter experience. Discretion may be the better part of valor, but the taste of cowardice is awful.

Which is why it's great that guys like Billy Kemper, Mikala Jones, and Dede Suryana exist. They ride the waves for us. They help perpetuate a dream. Help sustain the delusion that, “Hey, I could do that.”

They make difficult waves look easy. They make terrifying surf look approachable. They even make it look fun.

It's all of the above if you're a certain type of ripper he-man. Not such much when you're an average human being.

Big Mikey C, who asked me to write this up because he's busy oiling his beard, told me I shouldn't identify the wave.

“It's that XXXX spot on the same island as XXXX,” he wrote. “Though you probably shouldn't mention that.”

Mike loves to tell me what to do. I tend to ignore him. He's not the boss of me.

So, if you want to know where it is, please send $20 via Paypal to [email protected]. That's how I'll know you're serious about wanting to surf it. 

For the rest of you idiots, I'm not gonna reveal exactly where this wave is. Some people will be able to figure it out, but I think most of our readers will remain oblivious to its location.

Which isn't really a big deal. It's not like most of you could surf it, anyway.

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