We’re Giving Away Surf-Conditioning Courses With Two Of Our Fav Online Trainers

It’s been said that there are two ways to come out of isolation: sporting the tight-cheeked strut of a Grecian god or with wine and gravy spilling from your chin like a Medieval king. 

Some of us have used the downtime to optimize our bodies and minds. That means eating consciously, exercising regularly, and picking up a goddamn book for once. (They’re heavier than we remember.)

Others have gone with an alternative approach: mainlining mozza sticks, establishing a human-sized snuggery in the couch, and finishing Netflix.

Like, all of it.  

If you happen to fall into the latter category, don’t beat yourself. We get it. This was probably the only time in our adult lives that we’d have the time and ability to be a complete and utter piece of shit for upwards of two months. And after all, it’s not like we could have gone anywhere or done anything else at the time. 

What’s the old saying? If you can’t surf, surfeit. 

Jimbo Pellegrine is a surfing icon who binges on nothing more than tubes.

But as the world slowly starts to re-open, the reality of exposing our over-indulgent rigs to the public becomes more real by the day. That means exposing your flub to co-workers, friends, families, romantic interests, and most importantly, the crew at your local surf spot. 

Now, we’ll be the first to admit that adding a few kilos is equally as likely to enhance your surfing (or at least your water displacement) as it is to hinder it. But chances are, your boards aren’t built for the “new you”. So let’s not think of this as trying to get you in “surf shape” but rather trying to save you thousands on a new quiver (though if you absolutely refuse to lose the weight, Ashton Goggans emphatically approves of JS’s new “EasyRider” boards).

Unpaid advertisement within an unpaid advertisement aside, we want to help you get in good enough shape to not embarrass yourself in the water. That’s why we’ve partnered with two of our favorite surf-specific trainers—former CT star and international sex symbol, Luke Steadman*, plus Taj Burrow’s once-tagalong gut-buster, Johnny Gannon—to give away free online fitness classes. 

Almost every single day throughout the pandemic, Luke and Johnny have been live-streaming their classes for whomever chucked a penny in their jar. Because times are tough, we realize that personal wellness mightn’t be the first place people choose to spend their cash—especially on a service they’re not sure they’ll love.

So, in the spirit of waistline solidarity, Stab would be happy to front your first classes with both Luke and Johnny. The idea is that you’ll have a positive experience in at least one of the sessions, then choose to continue using that service until your roundhouse is back to its former glory. 

All you have to do is send an email to [email protected], and we’ll cover your entry fee.

*For what it’s worth, Steds, who is a 43-year-old former-top-10er, says he’s surfing better than ever thanks to his new regime.