Stab Magazine | A Weekly Wrap: Kelly's (Kinda) Back, Sunny Keeps Fighting, And Teahupo'o Gets Big

Live Now... Stab Highway East Coast (USA) Presented By Monster Energy, Episode 3

155 Views

A Weekly Wrap: Kelly’s (Kinda) Back, Sunny Keeps Fighting, And Teahupo’o Gets Big

A completely unoriginal, revived idea to inform you of all you missed. 

news // May 26, 2019
Words by stab
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Since resigning from my illustrious career as a full-time serf jernalist, I’ve realised the difficulties in staying up to date with my favourite and most frustrating hobby: surfing. Reading sites like this every day is unrealistic, the Instagram scroll barely treads beyond the shallows, and at the week’s end, like many of you out there, I find myself srolling through the previous days posts to see if I’ve missed anything of particular interest.

Thankfully, due to no work of my own, I’ve discovered a solution: a weekly wrap!

My old favourite, Danny Jonhson’s ‘Weak Wrap’ is dead and gone, and now I’m going to try and fill the surf-knowledge void with a one-article recap of the week passed. It’ll be a weekly installment, because Morgan Williamson our Senior-Ed told me he’d castrate me if I lapsed, so from now on, stroll to stabmag.com every Sunday for a brief re-cap of the week’s highlights. 

Alright, now that pathetic abstract is over, let’s get to the meat; or more accurately, the old and repurposed news. 

Slater Dunbar WSL

We wouldn’t say ‘he’s never looked better’, but he’s still surfing damn well.

Photography

Dunbar/WSL

Kelly Slater is kinda bloody back! He started the year off with a rejuvenated 33rd (read: dirty turd), rolled into a semi-pumping Bells to nab a quarterfinal finish, and just yesterday, beat the world’s best HP surfer, Filipe Toledo, with a brutish display of heat knowledge, tube braille, and veteran rail work. He may have been knocked by a bottle-blonde known as Kanoa Igarashi in the semis, but King Kelly has wrestled back into the top-10 and might just stay there if his favourite venues—J-bay, Teahupo’o, and Pipe—provide an appropriate canvas in the coming months. 

Speaking of Teahupo’o, it was cooking a couple days ago. Not the sort of pumping where any of us – you know, normal, largely incapable surfers – would actually want to surf it, but it did make for pleasant viewing, and a few wave of the year entries such as Matahi Drollet’s below. It wasn’t Code Red, but it was teetering on the pleasant edge of paddleable and tow-worthy that often results in Teahupo’o at its best. 

Michael Ciaramella apologised to Carissa Moore. After ‘Riss lost her heat despite throwing a no-pick reverse, our young and outspoken writer, Mike Ciaramella critiqued her spin by comparing it to those flatter rotations of the 90’s. Carissa hit back. And with some accompanying videos showing her dominance of the nose-pick (within women’s surfing at least), Mike was forced to apologise and also admit that he’s never done a turn as stylish in his own Joyride board review videos. 

https://player.vimeo.com/video/338461618

Sunny Garcia is still fighting for his life. After his near-death incident over a week ago, fake news surrounding Sunny’s condition has been incessant. Several people on social media have falsely claimed the 2000 World Champion had passed, which quickly snowballed throughout the surfing community, while other rumours abound as to his exact condition. A few days ago, Sunny’s daughter Kaila took to Instagram updating us and the rest of the world on her Dad’s condition as his fights for his life in an Oregon hospital. Stay strong Sunny!

Stab High is coming up pretty soon. You probably haven’t missed the news on this, but in case you have, here’s a friendly reminder that our sophomore surfing event, held mostly in the air, is scheduled for Waco, Texas on June 29th. There’s a building list of competitors here, and you can also buy tickets!

Craig Anderson’s film is premiering in Sydney again… with a talk from Jack McCoy. On Saturday, June 1, Craig Anderson’s new flick, ‘The Quieter You Are The More You Can Hear’ is being screened at the Sydney Opera House. The film is being shown in conjunction with a series of talks Jack McCoy is doing for Vivid, and to promote these talks, we had a chat with Jack about most things surf film, which you can read by clicking these words. 

Heath Joske went face-to-face with Equinor’s CEO. Equinor’s proposal to drill for oil in the Great Australian Bight is tracking along gradually and Heath Joske, a public critic of the proposal, has gone face-to-face with the company’s CEO in Oslo, Norway. Read our interview with Joske on the issue here. 

The Vans Duct Tape Fest happened in Portugal. And Morgan Williamson got to go! Other than that, it looked very fun, and if you like things that don’t have three fins and standardised competitive formats, then you might like a recap of the events. If you’re sick of reading, I recommend this article, which has pretty pictures replacing words.  

Some other mostly minor events reported online. Julian Wilson released a good videoClay Marzo released one which warranted a ‘Stab Loves‘; Rory Parker debated Mike Ciaramella about whether you should marry a surfer – although I’d rather a how-to on talking to girls first; China did something questionable and 60 minutes covered it (what a pity the US doesn’t cover its own atrocities in this depth); the Momentum Generation film won a semi Emmy; American Airlines chopped their board freight fees then proceeded to absolutely smoke a longboard; Mason Ho attempted death by rock surfing; and Laird Hamilton went on Joe Rogan, but lord knows I ain’t watching that. 

And more importantly, here’s what’s happened in the past few weeks of my ever-exciting life: My car broke down so I’m now surf-abstinent, my loss of hair foreshadowed my loss of girlfriend, and I’ve resorted to substance and social media abuse to distract myself from the banality of single life. On the positive side, Labor lost the federal election, giving me something to complain about for the next three years. So, all in all, a standard week in the life of 20-something year old who exists in the inner-city political bubble of Sydney’s west side.

If someone sends me some screenshots of good comments on this site (hit [email protected], or find me at the Erko) we may even consider rebooting comments of the week.

Until then, arrivederci!

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

Stab Highway East Coast (USA) Presented By Monster Energy, Episode 3

Waffle House meltdowns, OBX secret sessions, and the worst way to try an air reverse.

Feb 7, 2025

International Crime Syndicate Steals Millions From California Surfers, Gets Caught By Local Vigilantes

Victims include: Taro Watanabe, Reef McIntosh, Tyler Gunter, and 'Snapt' creator Logan Dulien.

Feb 6, 2025

Attrition at Pipe: Six Specialists Eliminated After Grueling Day At Lexus Pipe Pro

Moana Jones-Wong, Erin Brooks, Vahine Fierro + other big names axed.

Feb 6, 2025

Big Idea, Small Budget, And A High Level Of Danger?

Who’s Stab gonna call: Miles Pitt.

Feb 5, 2025

The Story Behind Sammy Pupo’s Backdoor-Inflicted Shiner

“Everything went blurry and for 15 minutes, I was stumbling around, barely able to walk…

Feb 5, 2025

Once A Pipe Master, Always A Pipe Master

Robbie Page stars in Oxbow's 'Walkabout'.

Feb 4, 2025

Born or Built? The Psychology of Confronting Heavy Waves

Nurture in nature with Shane Dorian, Carissa Moore, Al Cleland, and CJ Hobgood.

Feb 3, 2025

SEOTY: Albee Layer Stars In ‘Pure’, Rants A Little, And Reveals His Post-Surfing Career Path

Plus, the one that got away.

Feb 2, 2025

Jah Bless: More Rasta Freesurfing Clips

Point break porn ft. two Dead Kooks ‘Yin Yangs’.

Feb 2, 2025

The 2024 Eddie Winner On Addiction, Jail Time, And His Long Road To Glory

The Stab interview with Landon McNamara.

Jan 31, 2025

Watch: Postcards From Motel Hell Pt 3 – The Ireland Section

Wade gets stuck in another cave, Craig breaks his hoof, Haz and Lowe get minced…

Jan 31, 2025

Stab Highway East Coast (USA) Presented By Monster Energy, Episode 2

Strip club weddings, phallic haircuts, Gorkin flips, and cavorting with sharks.

Jan 31, 2025

The First Score Of The 2025 Championship Tour Was A Tube… By Edgard Groggia

Not as good as it gets, but much better than we deserve.

Jan 30, 2025

“The Machine Makes The World Spin. Rage, Fear, Oppose – We’re All A Part Of It.”

Lucas 'Skywalka' Godfrey stars in 'Fear The Machine'

Jan 29, 2025

It’s Time For A New Rivalry In Surfing

Can the next-gen of women deliver the conflict every sport needs?

Jan 28, 2025

Three Weeks On: The Aftermath of the LA Wildfires

An ode to a city that won't stay down.

Jan 28, 2025

How Surfers Get Paid: Season 2, Episode 6

The high price of authenticity — Craig Anderson’s knee doesn’t bend.

Jan 27, 2025

Dave Wassel’s Pipeline Secrets Every Surf Investor Should Know

How to make money on betonline.ag.

Jan 27, 2025
Advertisement