Stab Magazine | Stab-a-gram's preferred customers, US Open special
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Stab-a-gram’s preferred customers, US Open special

As all celebrations of kitsch Americana should aspire to be, the US Open was loud, it was colourful and it was confronting.  Here at Stab, we love the festival mainly because it provides us with a detailed depiction of American culture’s zany dichotomies. On the one hand, it brims with the wholesome fun and hi-fi surf […]

news // Mar 8, 2016
Words by stab
Reading Time: 4 minutes

As all celebrations of kitsch Americana should aspire to be, the US Open was loud, it was colourful and it was confronting.  Here at Stab, we love the festival mainly because it provides us with a detailed depiction of American culture’s zany dichotomies. On the one hand, it brims with the wholesome fun and hi-fi surf action that Bob Hurley so intended it to. And on the other, oozes the suggestive, slutty and barely legal undertones more befitting of America’s other great crusader, Larry Flynt. In this one off Stab-a-gram US Open special, we sought to do justice to all the freaks, flyboys and texta stomached sluts stars that made this event the best ever.  – Jed Smith

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team signings are a common sight at the US Open. It’s also true that a surfer’s level of interaction with his fans is one way contracts are valued these days. Well, at least that’s the best reason we’ve got for why Dusty Payne is more intent on hooking the “Y” on his signature than the oven-roasted veal in front of him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Ah, geez. C’mon man! Was that really necessary?” KS puts a mega-spoiler on what was previously his super ogle-able GF. (Queue ‘Game Over’ soundbyte)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s not forget the winners of this fine festival of surfing, ’cause lets face it, it wouldn’t be hard to with the two foot burgers on offer all event. But! That did not detract from the performances of Julian Wilson and Lakey Peterson. Man, could that chick frontside hack or what? And J Dubya, skatey-skatey 180. Mmm, mmm.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The victory was sullied in some part, however, when this image emerged courtesy of Owen Wright, showing Julian clearly falling off his board and Owen clearly being struck very lightly on the forehead by it. We can report words were exchanged between the pair afterwards, of what nature exactly, we cannot confirm.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, to be a young American. It’s the swingin’ sixties over Cali way, only with more condoms and less pubic hair.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hazard a guess as to what these guys are watching? Hint: the first letter of each word is a G and an M. No, not a youtube clip of Gorilla’s lined up Masturbating, it’s a Gabriel Medina ten.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A familiar name pops up in the skating event at the US Open. Second place, Greyson Fletcher, son of the original Cali punt/punk freakazoid, Christian.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two members of team Red Bull, J Dubya and Kolohe Andino, bask in the golden glow of a guarana high.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More ass (with Sebastian Zietz).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More ass (with Dylan Goodale)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Handfulls of ass (with many).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Surfing’s latest blockbuster, Dear Suburbia made its premiere during the event. The review of which you can find by clicking this link.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wee-man gets left hanging.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And of course, the surfing. Conditions were challenging; a mushy beachbreak ranging from 1 to 3 feet. But it’s also what most of us surf 90% of the time, so it was definitely more than a little cool to see event winner J Dub throwing down twirls like this under the pier.

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