Stab Magazine | So, You Getting Anxious?

'Vacation Presented By Monster Energy' Drops 5pm on Thurs, March 30 (PT)


So, You Getting Anxious?

Surfing remains canceled in many parts of the globe. This will help you cope. 

news // May 1, 2020
Words by stab
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Ed note: the following is the third installment of our new weekly email chain called the Stab Fwd. If you’re into it, subscribe here. 

It’s been over a month, for many of us. 

Over a month since we’ve packed a closeout. Over a month since we’ve split a peak with a stranger or burned a friend. Over a month since we’ve tried airs we knew we weren’t going to land. Over a month since we’ve taken a big breath of air — all delirious and fascinated by the incredible brightness of the sun hitting the swirling mess of foam — before diving under the second wave of a set that makes us question our level of physical fitness and overall decision-making processes. 

Over a month since we’ve surfed. 

[Note: If you have been able to surf through all of this, I hope you’ve been able to experience one or all of those things.]

So, you getting anxious? 

Many are. There have been protests up and down the California coast. And there have been plenty of what you might call informal protests — in other words, people saying fuck it and going surfing. My favorite example is this clip from La Jolla. 

Wild times. And no matter your stance on the rapidly aging to surf or not to surf conundrum, you have to tip your cap to that young man’s speed. Graceful and dynamic. 

Universal statements don’t seem to apply to situations like this but, in many places, things seem to be improving. We’re getting through it, step by step. And so we might as well make the most out of whatever this is. 

I hope this email helps with that in a small way. 

Now, here are our top 3 most-read stories of the week and then some.


The Realities And Myths Of COVID-19 According To A Tube-Savvy ER Doctor

When it comes to surfing, a good rule of thumb is that you shouldn’t be taking advice from anybody who can’t stand in a tube. And when it comes to COVID-19, a good rule of thumb is that you shouldn’t be taking advice from anyone who isn’t a medical professional. We found ourselves a unicorn in Dr. Mario Quiros. 

This Russian Minx Has 365 Days To Steal Olympic Gold

I did not expect a Russian synchronized swimming Olympic Gold Medalist/Instagram model to surf this…decent. Therefore, I would like you to join me in congratulating Angelika Timanina on her progress and wish her all the best in her ongoing pursuit of excellence. 

Mick Fanning Hosts John Florence For Unplugged

If you’ve been working from home lately, there’s a good chance you’ve found yourself in some sort of annoying or uncomfortable video chat. This will immediately rectify that experience. I promise. It’s candid but insightful, loose but thoughtful. Must-watch territory. 

Now, how do we talk about Kelly Slater? 

Some people like to make fun of Kelly Slater’s surfboard experimentation. Others feel genuinely blessed by the opportunity to see how novel designs perform under the hooves of a GOAT. The responsible surf fan, I think, finds a way to occupy both worlds. Please admire and heckle. 

Should we feel something? 

Alright, this edit is pretty random. It’s a cut of an Australian teenager’s first-ish trip to the North Shore. But just look at this kid. Lurking the aisles at Foodland with his sun-burnt head and coming home with tubs of iced cream. Waking up all groggy and trying to talk to a camera. Getting lit up at Sunset, etc. In the era of hyper-produced content, something about it just feels good. 

It seems to represent everything that surfing should mean at that age, and maybe everything it should mean now.

Want to take a little walk? 

Ah, yes. With the CT on hold, I felt it’d be a good time to take a walk down memory land and revisit some of the finer moments from events in the past. And by finer moments, of course, I mean various meltdowns as our beloved pastime kicked and screamed its way towards homogeneous professionalism. 

Here’s an astute observation from the great Fredrich Patacchia Jr. at the Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach a full ten years ago. How time flies. 

Next up is Margaret River. While there are a number of moments that come to mind — the shark incident, the fin incident, the time they made Bede beat Taj twice — I’d like to rely on you, dear reader, to share your memories. 

Do you have any firsthand experiences of disaster or hilarity in Western Australia? Please, do not hesitate: [email protected]  

One last thing: 

If you’re currently banned from surfing, have you thought about your first session back? I have. Deeply. May I? 

When I get in the water, I’m going to enjoy the feeling of being submerged for a moment. I’ll come up, take a deep breath, and jump on my board. Then I’ll sprint paddle for as long as I can, kicking up water, perhaps yelling to myself. Once I get out the back, I’ll probably dive underwater again. 

My very first wave will be a left. My board is going to feel foreign and both of my feet will be so far from anything that resembles a sweet spot as I fumble through whatever the wave might suggest.  

I can’t wait to figure out how to surf again. And I can’t wait to keep trying to figure out surfing and the ocean for the rest of my life.


Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up


Most Recent


Why You Should Never Not Paddle Out

How an impromptu 30 minute session made a Jamaican surfer $1,000 richer.

Mar 30, 2023


“I’ve Had Two Concussions Surfing Here”

Chronicles of a Newport shore-hound.

Mar 29, 2023

Rio Waida Has Been Surfing Onshore, Oversized Bells Alone

...and he might not go home all year.

Mar 29, 2023


John Florence Releases Long-Form Piece On The 243km Great Ocean Squiggle

Tourism Victoria going, ‘he just did our job for us’.

Mar 29, 2023


Japanese Rice Farmer Enjoys Frightening Sumatran West Bowls

Kaito Ohashi is on his best behavior.

Mar 28, 2023

Watch: When People Like This Speak, We Listen

Raw, extended conversations with Clyde Aikau and Eddie Aikau winner Luke Shepardson.

Mar 28, 2023


Diamond Tail = Diamond Hands?

We'll explain everything in the Rusty D-Min Joyride.

Mar 27, 2023

Behold Australia’s Nine & NZ’s Two Challenger Series Qualifiers*

May the Southern Cross smile upon you at Snapper.

Mar 27, 2023

An Unordinary Life Structured Around A Tidal Bore

Long Read: The life and times of Pete Beachy.

Mar 26, 2023


Watch: ‘Haiku’

Scenes From a Remote Reality, by Vans & Karina Rozunko

Mar 25, 2023

Sun Room: The Overnight Success Of A Young Surf Band

What's it like touring the world and living off of McDonald's?

Mar 25, 2023

How Surfers Get Paid, Episode 6

An instructional manual for the modern professional surfer

Mar 23, 2023


Caity Simmers — Extreme Competitive Surf Vlogger

Cool is chemical.

Mar 23, 2023

Globe Pulls Out Of The Apparel Game

…and, Taj Burrow and Dion Agius are now looking for new main sponsors.

Mar 22, 2023

Owen Wright Announces Retirement From Competitive And Heavy-Water Surfing

But will surf final CT event at Bells.

Mar 22, 2023


Fancy An Ale, Some Good Music, And A Bunch Of Tubes?

Ballet's minimalist full-length will satiate your needs.

Mar 22, 2023

João Chianca Spent Seven Years On The QS Without A Sponsor

And look where he is now.

Mar 22, 2023

Take Stab’s 2023 Audience Survey, Win A 3-Board Quiver

Stab towels and Premium subscriptions also up or grabs.

Mar 21, 2023