Huntington Beach Is The Future Of Professional Surfing

With Lowers off the schedule, the Vans US Open was the most important surf event in mainland America in 2018. (Besides Lemoore — if, you know, you want to call that “surfing.”)

Without Huntington, this honor would have gone to the QS 3000 held in Virginia Beach during the East Coast Surfing Championships, a highly regarded event more commonly known as the Hillbilly’s US Open. I once saw a woman make love to a longboard fin there. To this day, it is the best riding I’ve ever seen done on a single fin.

Alas, I’ll take Surf City over Syphilis City any day (aside from every other Saturday).

Speaking of Syphilis, the WSL has focused on attracting new viewers to the sport.

The Open does what most CT events fail to do: get people who generally don’t care about surfing to come to a surf event, regardless of the conditions. It draws over half a million people every single year. It has cracked the code for success in the business of professional surfing.

Monster energy drink + vodka + Sublime + teenagers with broken moral compasses – scripting this = profitable professional surfing.

This installment of the SPF rankings seeks to honor that special addition.

#69 – The three judges who didn’t give Seth Moniz a 10

Honestly, what the fuck were they thinking?  

#23 Italo Ferreira’s Hamstring

If you’re gonna hurt your hamstring while contending for a World Title, do it right like Mick Fanning.

#17 Jadson Andre

The QS criteria actually replaces speed, power, and flow with grit, tenacity, and willingness to travel 8000 miles for a chance to win 3000 points. Jadson should literally be the face of the Qualifying Series and that is meant in the most endearing way possible.  

#14 Matt Banting

Didn’t get a result at the US Open, but he’ll get on tour next year. Or the year after. Doesn’t really matter, he’ll get there.

#11 The guy who stands at the base of the pier and tells everybody they’re going to burn in hell

I guess this practice is called preaching, but if that’s the case then we’ve all done plenty of preaching over the years, which we can take a moment to feel good about. This guy has been putting in time year after year at the US Open, telling tens of thousands of people that they will feel the flames of Lucifer.

He’s also essentially a greeter for the US Open, which couldn’t be any more perfect.

#10 Filipe Toledo

When you think about it, he pretty much paid $100,000 [US Open 1st Place prize] to get that wave at Teahupo’o. You gotta love it.

#9 Jimmy Wilson

Longtime Surfing Magazine employee, current Vans hunk, one of the best people in the game. He decided to wear the above shirt, while he shot photos, and continually appeared on the webcast.

A superior at Vans was overheard saying, “I’d fire him right now if he didn’t work so fucking hard.”

The WSL had to pull him aside and tell him he couldn’t wear the shirt in/around the contest area.

This caused a social media uproar, which led to the eventual emancipation of the shirt.

If you can get WSL executives to sit down and have multiple meetings about a muscle t-shirt, then you are fighting the good fight for surfing.

#7 Barron Mamiya

Won the Pro Junior and is on the general up and up. His hair-whip claims proved that he has some of the spiciest arugula in the game right now.

#6 Kanoa Igarashi

If you’re doing two tours, then you’re not doing one.

Kanoa needs to either keep on surfing like he did at J-Bay or just neglect his spot on the CT every year and adjust his goal to being the most dominant WQS surfer in the history of the sport.

Tahiti should help him make that decision.

#5 Griffin Colapinto

20-year-old stud hailing from the nearby San Clemente finished second in the main division this year. With mentors such as Kolohe “Brother” Andino, he looks like a potential name to remember in the coming years.

#3 Dave Zirk – WSL Owner And 2018 SIMA Watercooler Man Of The Year

You read his speech? 

Unless he was lying, it made me think this guy genuinely cares about surfing. Or at least competitive surfing. Or at least the WSL’s version of competitive surfing — kinda weird that he didn’t give a shout out to Head Noise?

Anyway, I’m down on that line about constructive criticism/ruining little kids dreams or whatever.

It gave me a good feel for the guy overall, even if this whole thing does turn out to be the sports version of The Disaster Artist.

#1 Seth Moniz

Landed that air at the Open. Landed the air that psychologically broke (scheduled maintenance) Kelly’s wave pool. Landed in the top spot on the QS ratings.

Now he lands in first place on the SPF ratings, an accolade equivalent to winning Employee Of The Month at Chili’s.

He is so fun to watch.

Grinder of the event, in loving memory of Bede Durbidge

Jorgann Couzinet.

Meditation of the event(s)

Namaste.

Conspiracy theory of the event

Educate yourself.