Stab Magazine | Gossip Girl: The Grom Who Turned Down Mark Zuckerberg’s $81-Million Offer, Sticker Switches, And Camera Roll Cock-Ups
694 Views

Gossip Girl: The Grom Who Turned Down Mark Zuckerberg’s $81-Million Offer, Sticker Switches, And Camera Roll Cock-Ups

And don’t forget the #1 jersey woes and Founders Cup French frustrations.
 

news // Apr 4, 2018
Words by stab
Reading Time: 4 minutes

A Boardriders Sticker Shell Game

As you can imagine, with the official QuikBong merger taking place, there was bound to be managerial position shifts and company restructuring; less expected though is the potential for surfers to change hands between the once-independent brands.

Rumour is Griffin Colapinto will be switching stickers.

That’s right. Off the Bong and onto the Mountain and Wave. 

We have, however, heard this before.

Late last year we heard the same rumour — that Griff’s Billabong sticker would be peeled and replaced by a Quik sticker come early 2018. However, we’re told the trade is still very much in the works, but won’t occur until later this year. 

If you’re a Griff fanboy – I’m looking at you Mikey C – then maybe it’s time to dial down on your Billabong collection and prepare for a Quik spring clean.

Zach turned down 81 bricks and Caroline takes down World Title holders. (And they’re from Florida!)

You Can Keep Your $81 Million, Zuck.

If you watched the Quiksilver Pro you would’ve seen and heard about Caroline Marks, the 16 year old young woman who’s the youngest to ever make it on the CT full-time.

Her surfing’s been compared to Occy, and rightfully so, but it appears talent runs through the Marks Family in more than just athletics.

Caroline’s 17-year-old brother, Zach Marks, recently turned down an offer of $81 million for his company, Grom Social, from the owner of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg.

Grom Social is essentially a social media network, like Facebook, except users are all between the ages of five and 16. The site was founded by Zach in 2012, and has grown to over 5 million users.

Zuckerberg already owns the two biggest mind scramblers in the world: Instagram and Facebook. What would he want with another social media outlet?

Well, you see, Facebook has a minimum age requirement of 13 years (higher in some countries).

Zuck wanted to capture the younger market, buying out Grom Social, and ensuring he had everyone hooked from the moment their developing little brains can remember a username and password…

Young Zach Marks is an inventive and evidently cunning teenager. We’re told he turned down the 81 bricks to remain autonomous over his social media platform.

However, back in August of last year, Grom Social became a publicly traded company, and there’s currently nothing stopping Zuck from purchasing a piece.

Mikey C.’s using his East Coast connections to get ahold of Zach, and we can’t wait to hear what it was like to turn down that kind of coin…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/qv2Np_y7OKI

No #1 For You!

Ever wondered how the tour’s favourites get the numbers on their jersey?

Well, it’s as simple as choosing their preferred numeral—permitting somebody higher up the ranks doesn’t have their mittens on it already.

But, as you’ve likely noticed, nobody on either the men or women’s circuit is self-appraising enough to fly numero uno on their singlet.

If you were going to allow someone to wear the #1, it would either have to be whoever is in the Yellow Jersey, or the two most winning competitors currently on the tour.

Which would be Kelly and Steph.

Whilst both Kelly and Steph chose their 11 and 88, respectively, it turns out they were both offered the #1 stamp by the WSL, when numbered jerseys were first introduced.

They both turned them down.

There was, however, one women’s competitor who was pining for #1.

We won’t name names, but she’s worn the Yellow Jerz enough times to know what it feels like on top—although she’s lacking a world title.  

The Title Contender was promptly shut down, leaving #1 untouched both in the men and women’s divisions.

99 problems and a tour ain’t one

Taj Burrow, the World Tour’s former favorite bachelor, used to roll with the #99, a nod to the Jay-Z classic…

These days, Taj has reduced his problem count, settled down with the fam and spends his time out of the jersey and chasing Indo reefs or whatever swells land upon the WA coast.

This left the #99 jersey up for grabs, and who better to take it than the talk of the tour, Griffin Colapinto. 

Griff is a well-mannered young Californian, and gave Taj a personal phone call to ensure it was okay he took ownership of the CT’s highest number. 

He’s now taken Taj’s digits, flying the progressive flag as Taj once did, and has arguably etched himself up there amongst tour’s single sorts. 

https://www.youtube.com/embed/2FEhEahfq4k

An inglorious social media cock-up

Have you ever taken a less than glamorous snap of your nether-region? 

Perhaps to flick to a friend, or if you’re so inclined, to keep for your own odd amusements? Yes? No?

Regardless, it’s unlikely you’ve ever live-streamed your recently exhausted appendage to a near 200k followers on Instagram.

Unfortunately, that’s exactly the case for one Instagram surf savant. 

There weren’t any sexting circles responsible for distributing this image to the masses. The gentlemen in question skipped the middle man and went direct to the mainstream source; disseminating it all via a camera roll screen capture while trying to give a tutorial on how to upload photos to Instagram. 

If you were fortunate enough to miss the livestream, don’t beat yourself up like he did. It’s something we personally wish we’d never seen.

The main lesson here is for the kiddies. Always practice safe MMSex, always check your camera roll, and don’t give Instagram tutorials—they’re exhausting. 

How could you say not to this?

Artificial waves and aesthetically bound selections

By now you’ve seen the regions and roster of surfers scheduled for the Founders Cup: Kelly, Mick, JJF, Steph, Filipe, Gabby.

They’re all easy picks. An unsurprising list of names and one which was compiled by a relatively simple formula. 

Firstly, how many titles have you got under your belt? One, maybe two? Welcome to the team.

Secondly, once your country or continent has run out of champs, you slide down the list to current WSL rankings. Essentially, the highest rank take the spots. That is, except for one representative from the Euro contingent. 

Leo Fioravanti. The Italian stallion who dropped off the CT after a disappointing ’17. 

But wait, what’s that? There was a Euro who managed to re-qualify, yet didn’t make the Founders Cup cut. 

Remember Joan Duru? How could you forget that backhand?

The Frenchman landed himself at 21st in 2017, but apparently the good looks and marketability of Leo were too much for the European selectors to discount. Based on past results, many will expect Leo to bow out early, but if he manages to sneak through, he’ll look damn fine on the podium…  

Which, we gotta admit is a real possibility: Leo tore the trolley-propelled pool apart his first visit. 

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

Inside The Alternative Surfboard Marketing Machine 

Two of the biz's best — Matt Parker and Blake Peters — spill many beans.

Aug 10, 2022

The Tragic Parallels Between The Murder Of Ricardo Dos Santos & 8x World Jiu Jitsu Champion Leandro Lo

Two Brazilian sporting icons killed brazenly by off-duty police officers.

Aug 9, 2022

The Pick-Up, Vans US Open: In The Belly Of The Beast

Finger flips, shaping with Zion Wright, slurpees, Hawaiian takeovers, and the king of Surfline rewinds.

Aug 8, 2022

Albee Layer Discusses His Not-So-Budding Acting Career And The Upcoming Film “Sweet Adventure”

"Matt and Nora were tripping a little harder than I was just because they weren't…

Aug 8, 2022

Zeke Lau & Bettylou Sakura Johnson Win The Vans US Open Of Surfing 

Hawaii dominates HB.

Aug 8, 2022

How A Former CT Surfer Gets “Absolute Beginners” Barreled In A Matter Of Months

Luke Stedman elaborates on his Blackball surf programs.

Aug 7, 2022

5:50

Sweeter Than Stolen Honey 

A versatile Haydenshapes x Dylan Graves HP (and soft board) tested in weird waves.

Aug 7, 2022

15-Year-Old Ladybird Erin Brooks Makes Final In All-Men’s Tuberiding Event

And Clay Marzo takes the dub.

Aug 6, 2022

Are We Looking At Reef Sculpting The Wrong Way? 

The pros, cons, possibilities, and mechanisms of changing reefs to suit our surfing desires.

Aug 6, 2022

The Gudang Trio Discusses Brotherhood And How To Make It To The Mountain Top Together  

Positive sibling vibrations we should all aspire to.

Aug 6, 2022

9:03

Everyone’s Local Zone Has A Mythical Wave

Kai Lenny, Imaikalani DeVault, Eli Hanneman and friends get to surf theirs.

Aug 5, 2022

The Pick-Up, Vans US Open: Harry Bryant Vs. The Wedge

A lot of swell, stolen identities, surf masochists, mutilated noses, The Wedge, skull-crushing pylons, and…

Aug 5, 2022

When Gabby And Kolohe Pull Out, The Hog Pulls In

Tahiti wildcards named.

Aug 5, 2022

First Look: The 2022 Electric Acid Surfboards

Did our questionable EAST gamble pay off for Mick Fanning's Maldivian quiver ?

Aug 4, 2022

How Boardshorts Work

They are your one chance to look cool while actually surfing. Don’t blow it.

Aug 4, 2022

A Surf/Snow/Music Fez In The Heart Of Melbourne 

URBNSURF is throwing an action-sports/live music DOOF this month and Stab Premium members are getting…

Aug 4, 2022

Peace, Love, And Mung Beans: 7 Things I Learned From Mick Fanning

Ranging from surf travel hacks to philosophy to jingle lyrics.

Aug 2, 2022

The Three Million Dollar Chinese Storm

500 board orders, coaching armies, and trips around the world — here's how China’s Olympic…

Aug 1, 2022
Advertisement