Stab Magazine | Freshwater Season Is Here: A WSL Pool Event, A Jack White Band And A Wave Or Two

Watch 'Wildcard: The Moana Jones-Wong Story'

82 Views

Freshwater Season Is Here: A WSL Pool Event, A Jack White Band And A Wave Or Two

Not enough salt for separate posts.

news // Jun 22, 2019
Words by stab
Reading Time: 2 minutes

The 2019 Freshwater Pro, the WSL’s curiously unnecessary rebranding of 2018’s Surf Ranch Pro, hits Lemoore on September 19-21. 

Have you visited Kings County? It’s hot. Reeks of cow shit. Not my scene. But maybe you’d enjoy watching the world’s best contest surfers work their way back and forth across a repurposed water ski lake. That’s cool, I guess. Different strokes for different folks. It’d be hypocritical for me to start kink-shaming surf fans.

I’m sure it’ll be a pretty fun time. The Raconteurs are playing. Morgan says they’re good. I’m not familiar with their music. If you drop $499 on a two day VIP deal you get TWO free drinks! Total, I guess. Which is kind of disappointing. Unless, of course, the only drinks on offer come from event sponsor, Barefoot Wine. In that case they’re doing you a favor. That shit is pure distilled hangover juice.

You get a free hydroflask as well!

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of the insulated flask boom. Staying hydrated is great, they keep drinks cold for forever, and they’re, theoretically, far better for the environment than a single-use plastic water bottle. Only thing—if you’re like me, you’ve got a bunch already. It seems like every company on Earth is throwing around branded freebies and it’s not like you need a ton of them. Only two, really, if you like to keep one for water and one for cocktails. So one wonders, are they really cutting down on waste? Are we about to top off our landfills with a massive delivery of sturdy aluminum bottles?

https://player.vimeo.com/video/342862361

One thing Lemoore lacks: a verifiable air section.

 

$499 is kinda steep. But it’s no more than I’m spending to see Paul Simon play on Maui in August. Granted, that’s for two people, includes lodging (I’m using points for flights), and the WSL didn’t write Duncan. But it’s priced within reach for a large number of people. A fun little splurge purchase. Put it on your credit card! Don’t worry about it! What’s the point of saving? The Baby Boomers own all the houses and aren’t letting go until they’re dead and buried.

Fans also have the option of plopping down a cool $5499 for the Surf Ranch Experience. It looks pretty sweet. You get to surf in the pool, stay at the Tachi Palace, harass your personal concierge… all sorts of rad shit. Not long ago I’d’ve said spending that much on a trip to a landlocked pool was a hilariously stupid idea. But having recently dropped more or less the same amount on a trip to Texas… I’m backing it. I can’t afford it, thanks to the aforementioned Texas trip, but if I could I’d definitely consider going. I’m not sure if the WSL is hyped on having me around, but I doubt they’d turn away a paying customer.

You can also book an RV spot (no hook-ups provided. No tent or car camping allowed), pre-pay for parking (gross), or pick up General Admission tickets ($55, kids ten and under are free.)

I’m sure the surfing will be great (check out the top clip of Caroline Marks and Lakey Peterson dismantling the place!), the weather’s gonna be hot, you’ll have to hide from security if you want to smoke a cigarette, and if you scream real loud you might be able to get one of your favorite pros to glance your way. At which point you can give them the ol’ truffle shuffle

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

Billy Kemper, Mikey Wright, and Eli Olson Walk Into A Bar…

The Vans Pipe Masters heat draw is here. Let's break down the must-watch matchups

Dec 8, 2022

Watch: Kai Paula Has Arrived

Meet the 7th surfer to land a double spin in our final 2022 SEOTY entry.

Dec 8, 2022

30:27

Unlocked: ‘Nozvid’ In All Its Glory

Two years and $100K later.

Dec 8, 2022

How To Watch The Vans Pipe Masters

With less than 24 hours to go, we've put together a complete list of rules…

Dec 7, 2022

Watch: Stab’s Best Wetsuits of 2023

Our quest to objectively establish the best men's suit, women's suit, and booties out of…

Dec 7, 2022

Eithan Osborne Belongs On The 2003 World Tour

But he's gotten an invite to the 2022 Vans Pipe Masters, so we caught up…

Dec 7, 2022

30:37

“I Could Do Reels And Surf Two Foot Beachies And Hoard Cash But That’s Moral Suicide”

Noa Deane’s thoughts on money, media, airs in glassy waves and more.

Dec 7, 2022

Wildcard: The Moana Jones-Wong Story

The rise and rise of Mrs. Pipeline.

Dec 6, 2022

Watch: Torrey Meister’s Gunslinging SEOTY Entry

"Bull-riding is such a great warmup for surfing big waves."

Dec 6, 2022

Guess Who Else Just Got Invited To The Vans Pipe Masters

3 more withdrawals, and 3 more exciting replacements.

Dec 6, 2022

21:04

‘Buying Double Cheeseburgers, Acting Like He’s Hit Some Sections Today’

RAGE 400 drops ft Noz, Chun, Creed, Vinny, Jel, Wado + others!

Dec 5, 2022

What’s Happening To Orange County’s Sand, And Is It Worsening The Waves At Lowers?

Read this to upgrade your understanding of your local beach break and coastal environment.

Dec 5, 2022

Here Are The 15 People Who Qualified For The 2023 CT

After seven events and much groveling, 10 men and 5 women will officially be CT…

Dec 3, 2022

An Ode To Aussie Chick Pros From The Nineties 

A celebration of stoicism, resilience, grit, core lordship, and unconditional love.

Dec 3, 2022

Update: John John Flushes Everyone Down The Haleiwa Toilet Bowl

And the CT qualifications for 2023 are set.

Dec 3, 2022

3:53

Riaru Ito Is Cooler Than His Cucumber Garden

Meet our passion pick for the Vans Pipe Masters.

Dec 2, 2022

5 New Surfers Confirmed For The Vans Pipe Masters

Who's out, who's in?

Dec 2, 2022

Unlocked: Kael Walsh, Rolo Montes, And Al Cleland Jr In ‘Saturn’

Quik’s new 20-minute surf film is so good you’ll want to burn a DVD of…

Dec 2, 2022
Advertisement