Dean ‘Dingo’ Morrison Will Get You The Wave Of Your Life
Dingo will take you anywhere in the world and call you into bombs, for a fair price.
The typical American/Aussie worker spends five days a week, 48-50 weeks per year, at his place of occupation.
If you’re a surfer, this schedule enables a short session before or after work on most weekdays, minor road trips over the weekend, and the option for one, maybe two international trips over the course of the year. Due to this rigid occupational structure, you have little ability to coordinate the optimal swell, wind and tide conditions for any particular break, resulting in more missed sessions than a wave-obsessed human can reasonably endure.
Then if you have a spouse and kids, your opportunities to surf disintegrate even further. After paying the family tax, you’re left with one or two piddly sessions during the week, maybe a quick weekender while your spouse watches the babe on the beach, and your coveted holiday windows spent at fucking Disneyland.
Meanwhile the handheld anxiety aggregator, Instagram, pops out images of perfect waves all around the world on a daily basis. You dream of surfing Teahupo’o, Lance’s, and T-Street but know that, most likely, it will never happen for you. Because life is demanding, and due to countless years in the rat-race, you haven’t the time or connections to pull off a proper strike mission.
Am I right?
Well, Dean ‘Dingo’ Morisson might just be able to help.
Of course you remember Dingo – 10 year CTer, third-wheel of the Coolie Kids tricycle, best known for his tube obsession, vicious hacks, and willingness to burn just about anybody anywhere.
Over decades of travel, Dean has developed an unrivaled wave rolodex and is, according to some, “the most barreled man in the world.” Now he wants to share his expertise with all of you, for a fair price.
Introducing Dean’s newest capitalistic venture, The Wave of a Lifetime.
The site reads: Morrison’s career has taken him from heights of fame, as a youth on the world tour, to the depths of personal loss. Morrison embraces challenge and continually pushes the limits of the sport and of himself. From a professional surfing champion to big wave hunter, Morrison is keen to share his knowledge with you and get you that ‘wave of a lifetime’.
“Just explain what wave you want and leave the rest to me… whether it be the biggest, longest, or just the wave of your dreams… because one wave lasts a lifetime” – Dingo
So how does this work?
Well, there’s a private 90 minute surfing experience for $200 AU. It’s described as: A private one on one surfing lesson where nothing is off limits. Get yourself to the next level, physically and mentally. The goal is to take you beyond your comfort zone, safely, and to your enjoy yourself while having the information to improve and become the best surfer you can be. Guaranteed to get you closer to your goal of shredding and getting all you can out of your ability.
There’s also an All-day option with jet-ski assist, which includes filming. $500 AU. Described as: All day surf lesson spending the entire day working on your surfing and learning the skills needed to improve to the highest level. A jet ski is provided and video analysis. A second session is done in the afternoon to consolidate what was learnt in the first session done that morning.
Lastly, and this is the one you really want, is the Wave of a Lifetime Travel Week. This experience starts at a cheeky $5k for locations within Australia and is described thusly: Wait for a swell, whether that be in Fiji, Hawaii, Tahiti, Western Australia, New Zealand or wherever your dream wave exists, we will go and turn your dreams into reality over a few days or a week. All focus is on getting you ready for your wave of a lifetime and turning dreams into reality. Let Dingo know where your dream wave is or what wave you want and leave the rest up to him. All you will need is yourself and some travel buddies to get the biggest, longest, or most perfect wave that you dream about…because one wave lasts a lifetime. Total price will depend on location and intended length of stay.
And if this isn’t the best idea since somebody put a foil on a SUP (…or did they put a SUP on a foil?), I don’t know what is. To strike a swell with a surfer of Dingo’s pedigree would almost certainly lead to, conditions permitting, the wave of your life. It’s not like you’re gonna pull back when he tells you to go on a bomb.
My only question is whether purchasing this package clears you from the notorious Dingo drop-in, or if that’s considered part of the experience.
Whoever signs up first, please let me know.
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