Stab Magazine | Can The Bird Scooters Of Surfboards Actually Work?

'Wildcard - The Moana Jones-Wong Story' Premieres December 6


Can The Bird Scooters Of Surfboards Actually Work?

New rental service plans to take the surf world by storm.

news // Apr 2, 2019
Words by stab
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Summer is right around the corner in the Northern Hemisphere, and so is everything that comes with it.

If you’re on Oahu’s North Shore it’s time to dust of the fishing gear or make the hell trek into Town. If, like me, you’re on Kauai… everything will stay pretty much the same. It’ll get a bit warmer. If you live on the East Coast of the United States you can look forward to the eventual hurricane swell. And if you live in Southern California… oh boy!

Mobs of dorks littering on the beach! June gloom! Coastal parking that’s so rare you can’t leave your house on the weekends and the fucking parking tickets that come hand in hand! Long flat spells, black ball flags, the odd lined-up South swell, and beginners galore!

Various brands of softtops, SUPs that gather dust throughout the cold months, and real estate agents in the grips of mid-life crises are on their way to flood the lineups. If you’re anything like this former Southern California resident you’ll find yourself wondering, once again, “Why the fuck do I look forward to Summer?”

The answer is, of course, “Because you’re an idiot with the memory span of a goldfish.”

“That’s unfair, Rory,” you might say. “I like Summer. Sure, it’s crowded and the waves suck. But that’s business as usual. At least the water will warm up, I can ditch the full suit for a few months, and, anyway, I’m used to it. It’s not like things can get any worse.”

Au contraire. Foils are a thing now. So, you know, have fun with that.

And, if you live in the San Diego area, get ready for a business model that’s sure to take the world by storm.

Ohio native, Jason Inbody, has come up with a plan that will soon have local surfers gnashing their teeth, rending their clothes, and cursing a god which does not exist. It’s basically Bird scooters for surfing, and who doesn’t love those things?

Featuring only the finest selection of low-cost, vent plug equipped, EPS garbage, Fin Aquatic Rentals plans to have unattended trailers of rental boards littering the streets of SD within the coming months.

It’s a lesson in brilliance. Undercutting local shops, angering locals by filling the lineups with even more kooks than usual, then leaving your product unattended. What could go wrong? It’s not as though people will just bash the shit out of them out of spite. Surfers would never do something so mean spirited. We’re an ocean brotherhood, dude. Only a surfer knows the feeling!

At $14 for a two hour session Fin Aquatic Rentals is a deal no hodad will be able to resist. They can pay via phone, bash the thing to shit with their kookery, then pop it back on the trailer and go on with their day.

The low cost, coupled with the near constant repair the boards will require, does lead one to wonder, how will this turn a profit?

Have no fear, Inbody has a plan. Maybe.

Or maybe not. As a lovely post to Reddit recently indicated, it seems that Fin Aquatic Rental may have put the cart before the horse. The boards have been purchased, the app is ready for download, but pesky questions, such as “What material to use to fill surfboard hole?” remain up in the air.

fin AR tracker hole 2

Some may say, “That doesn’t make sense. Why would you go about cutting holes in shit without considering the next step? Shouldn’t one learn the basics of board repair before investing in a business that’s sure to require it?”

But this is the twenty first century. The gig economy! It’s about building apps, finding investors, and ditching your company before everything goes belly-up.

Maybe I’m being unkind and unfair. Maybe Inbody has found the world’s only quick, cheap, and reliable ding repair guy. Maybe he has a massive container packed with so many boards he can just swap them out and heave the losers in a landfill. Maybe I’m being a closed-minded naysayer who’ll never amount to nothing due to a combined lack of foresight and wherewithal.

Maybe. But probably not.


Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up


Most Recent

Watch: Torrey Meister’s Gunslinging SEOTY Entry

A digital collage of Backdoor mutants, Portuguese slabs, and of course, bull-riding.

Dec 6, 2022

Guess Who Else Just Got Invited To The Vans Pipe Masters

3 more withdrawals, and 3 more exciting replacements.

Dec 6, 2022


‘Buying Double Cheeseburgers, Acting Like He’s Hit Some Sections Today’

RAGE 400 drops ft Noz, Chun, Creed, Vinny, Jel, Wado + others!

Dec 5, 2022

What’s Happening To Orange County’s Sand, And Is It Worsening The Waves At Lowers?

Read this to upgrade your understanding of your local beach break and coastal environment.

Dec 5, 2022

Here Are The 15 People Who Qualified For The 2023 CT

After seven events and much groveling, 10 men and 5 women will officially be CT…

Dec 3, 2022

An Ode To Aussie Chick Pros From The Nineties 

A celebration of stoicism, resilience, grit, core lordship, and unconditional love.

Dec 3, 2022

Update: John John Flushes Everyone Down The Haleiwa Toilet Bowl

And the CT qualifications for 2023 are set.

Dec 3, 2022


Riaru Ito Is Cooler Than His Cucumber Garden

Meet our passion pick for the Vans Pipe Masters.

Dec 2, 2022

5 New Surfers Confirmed For The Vans Pipe Masters

Who's out, who's in?

Dec 2, 2022

Unlocked: Kael Walsh, Rolo Montes, And Al Cleland Jr In ‘Saturn’

Quik’s new 20-minute surf film is so good you’ll want to burn a DVD of…

Dec 2, 2022

How Surfers Get Paid, Episode 4

The energy drinks are here. They’ve got millions of dollars, and they want your head.

Dec 2, 2022

‘Saturn’ Orbits Into Southern California

Quiksilver's newest film made landfall in Encinitas, and we were there to document the occasion.

Dec 1, 2022

The Vans Triple Crown Of Surfing Returns In 2023

Can anyone beat John Florence and Carissa Moore in a three-week window?

Dec 1, 2022

What Will Airs Look Like In 10 Years?

The final installment of our editorial exploration into the nuances of airborne surfing.

Dec 1, 2022


Can A South African Cavern Queen With No Pipeline Experience Do Well At The Vans Pipe Masters?

Sophie Bell will have a steep learning curve in Hawaii.

Nov 30, 2022

After Years Of Tragic Shark Attacks, Surf Competition Returns To Reunion Island — And A CT Event Could Follow

"We compete at J-Bay and Margarets where there's the same problem." -Johanne Defay

Nov 30, 2022


Sharing Tubes And Hummus In The Middle East’s Surfing Jewel: Israel

No Contest does Tel Aviv!

Nov 29, 2022


Joao Chianca Wants A Pipeline Rematch With JJF

And ain't afraid to ride more foam to do it in the Vans Pipe Masters.

Nov 29, 2022