Signed Up To Join World Tour; Plays Spin The Bottle

The Ultimate Surfer features 14 contestants battling it out on the consistent and perfect waves created at the Surf Ranch in Lemoore, California. The hopes of the contestants are collectively focused on the unlikely yet remarkable winner’s prize — an opportunity to compete on the WSL Championship Tour, the pinnacle of professional surfing.

Professional surfers aren’t always known for their on-screen charisma, what with their ice baths and training routines. Add to that homogenised, mechanical surf conditions and The Ultimate Surfer could potentially be a dramaless production.  

Enter Jesse Palmer, TV personality from ‘The Bachelor’ series, in which a bachelor dates a group of women, over several weeks to prove their compatibility with him. He will be in da house to make sure that there is no shortage of cringe-worthy theatrics.

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The latest challenge involves a spin-the-bottle game, coercing contestants to kiss each other based on where the resting bottle points. Nothing maintains the integrity of The Ultimate Surfer being a pathway for surfers to credibly make the CT like a challenge selecting for one’s proclivity for globally broadcast hanky-panky. 

“This isn’t a kissing show,” says Juli Hernandez, a Costa Rican surfer and contestant. “If I wanted to kiss someone I would’ve gone on the Bachelor”, says Hawaii’s Brianna Cope. 

“Yeah well, this isn’t a fucking surf contest,” replied an executive presumably. 

One thing we can be sure of is that whoever wins The Ultimate Surfer will have earned every last bit of it. 

Watch the first episode tonight to see if this all highly entertaining or like the slow motion death of surf culture.