O’Neill Cold Water Classic, Santa Cruz – day one

Let me say one thing: John Shimooka is the worst commentator in the history of web comps. Its like listening to Chong, from Cheech and Chong trying to explain surfing. WTF?! You have 38 year old fishermen as your wildcard that gets smoked (and now has Slater), and the only guys you can get in the booth are Turpel and Shimooka? O’neill, you are a joke! This is a CT, not the front seat of a VW bus in New Zealand I cannot wait til one company does the webcasts!!! Guess Nat was a good wildcard choice? Yeah, Dane woulda been bad huh?

the world would be a better place if laura enever released a porno

Juniors get Keramas and CTers get warbly junk?

agree, Shmoo is TERRIBLE on the webcast, it makes me cringe, what was that shit he was saying in Jordy’s heat, “your mum would be proud, do it for your mumma” or some shit like that. Are you kidding me, had to hit the MUTE button

sage and malia are way hot

Travis Logie won his heat!! boom…

Juniors get Keramas and CTers get warbly junk?

Medina is a bitch

Can we please get just get one f***’n company that handles the videos on demand. And, I know you’ve got to sell ad time but 5 minutes at the beginning of each heat?

Dusty Payne was ripping! And stoked to see the local boy Nat Young take down Kelly. Yes

Let me say one thing: John Shimooka is the worst commentator in the history of web comps. Its like listening to Chong, from Cheech and Chong trying to explain surfing. WTF?! You have 38 year old fishermen as your wildcard that gets smoked (and now has Slater), and the only guys you can get in the booth are Turpel and Shimooka? O’neill, you are a joke! This is a CT, not the front seat of a VW bus in New Zealand I cannot wait til one company does the webcasts!!! Guess Nat was a good wildcard choice? Yeah, Dane woulda been bad huh?

Shmooka is the worst ever, even lamer is that he is an ‘agent’ for surfers and pole smokes them on the web cast so he can sit next to them in the competitors area and hope they let him ride in their van so he can get someone to pay for their underwear.

He wears one of those Nixon watches that would make Flava Flav blush; A gold one.

Think of how many unbelievably perfect waves in the world and then watch round 1 of the Association of Surfing Professionals cruel joke.

Lets hope that brazilian leprechaun ADS gets roasted. I am glad Median won.

joe turpel fucking sucks! mute button mother fucker

Go Nat,fuk I hope he goes the whole way especially after finding him at 150\1 odds and whacking a cheeky 50 dollars on him,hmmm time will tell.

John Shmooka is a cockhead all day long, true story!

All you kooks can’t surf with a real rubber on? The lane rips on a good swell. Hopefully it lights up this weekend sending the bath water boys back to the bath tub.

sage and malia are way hot

Everytime gabriela does one her stupid air reverses, God kills a kitten.

the world would be a better place if laura enever released a porno

Taylor was ripppppping. Here’s hoping to a big result for the legend.

Dear Gabriel, no.. all brazzos,

We understand you can do a cute air reverse on any wave. for fucks sake, I’m pretty sure you do one on every wave. There is no need to claim and look at the judges. Fuck! Hoping you get 2nd and pull out the waterworks again ya little prick

patty gudang for the win

bede ripped his 2nd wave, no joke, and i hope the 6-point-something score was a typo

New webcast contract should stipulate that Sage/Malia do all beach interviews in every spot on tour, thanks

Schmook paddles out in 1ft slop in Cronulla and thinks he owns the place, hi-fiving and telling everyone about how well he is doing commentating and travelling.. The guys sucks absolute dogs balls and he deserves a punch in the face for being a smug fucker.. He is everything wrong with pro surfing….epitomises it!!!

O’neill is a notoriously chince pot company, that (like many) pays peanuts for behind the scenes production talent. The ‘heat breakdown’ is the biggest hoax yet, with no way to watch individual scores? Or was it just not working last night? Again? last year they went with the lowest bidders on the webcast and it was a disaster (multiple days with no feed,etc.) Zipcam is filthy, but the rest of the whole production is low budge. Wake up O’neill, you are on the big stage here. Get an Aussie in the booth too.

Shmoo is great, no prob with Shmoo

Just watched a couple heats. I like Nat Young, but if you review his second highest scored wave….its not that high. I am sensing some bias already…. the conditions were piss..maybe hold a ladies longboard event/bikini show…I am calling bullshit on this whole thing. Go pat g!

Schmoo quote from yesterday( maybe Yadin’s heat):

“That turn was TNT…Dynamiteeeee!”

A part of me died a little inside

sooo when ratboy gets smoked in his round 2 heat and gets that check for $7,000, how much meth do you think he is gonna buy? Hopefully he is nice and shares with the santa cruz community.

let me be very clear about this: John Shimooka, you have no place in the booth, please crawl back in the hole you came from.

joel parkinson, now what a line the mother fucker drew at the lane. now there is some solid raw power going on with this guys. now there’s some boring way of winning a world title at your carreeer.
fuck parko
fuck ceej
asp show me the real guy who deserves this mother fucking title. this entity is a piece of shit. falling apart. kelly needs to take care of the bussiness when he announce his retirement. some weird shit going on with this administration.

I’m pretty sure at least half of these anti-John Shimooka posts are from one person. Butt-hurt much??

I dont know what yall have against the Schmoo, other than his name. APart from laughing my ass off that he is actually publicly called schmoo I didnt notice his commentating, which I reckon is how it should be. On the other hand, as easy on the eyes as Sage is, I couldnt believ ehow inarticulate she is, simply reinforcing all the worst stereotypes about blonde surfer girls. Maybe she’ll get the hang of it but you’d think theyd put her through some practice – she was like watching your little niece stammer through an interview of your dad on his birthday for the fmaily home movie. Where’s Rosie?

Re the lay day call today, Ke12y refused to paddle out this time. With the Lane smaller and wonkier the Rat definitely would have won on wave knowledge alone. Ke12y wasnt going to make the Peniche mistake twice in a row…

Wens Occy heat!

John Shmooka’s favorite words : ‘I JUST LOVE ACE BUCHAN’S BACKHAND’ he said it A MILLION TIMES in ace’s hear

Remember ANDY IRONS, Forget JOHN SHIMOOKA

these comps take too long to run… there’s too many surfers… the only way i’ve really watched this year, is if i don’t have anything better going on at the moment. it’s been much easier to just watch the heat repeat thing at the end of each day. i can find out who surfed what, all in about 10 minutes, versus sitting around for hours and hours. certain events have appeal, like Tahiti, Pipe and Trestles ( Trestles can be boring as well). i don’t want to sound so down on everything, but pro surfing needs a major shakeup. that is all

“the heat repeat thing”? Stick to watching porn, and reality TV.

I heard Schmoo paddled out at the Lane and did 3 stink bug turns and threw some shakas… hey bro, I’m schmoo… Im the shit.. .look at me.. stink bugging …

by the way shmoo burned me once, and did way harder turns than me so yes i am butt hurt

the only surf commentator that doesn’t need to be put on mute is dave wassel

When I bottom turn I think my ass sticks out a bit does that mean I have a poo stance ??? Please advise

Shmoo love, Love you Shmoo

fuk we need to get some classic charchters commentating, not joe turpel. get ruffo and flea up there

WHIIIIIITTE POWERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

I added a comment too, so i am another one! I didnt actually realize so many thought the same as me! He is a complete knob, a shit surfer, an even worse agent and an even worse human being.

Maybe we could all get a hotel? Form a club?

What’s this I hear about all the shit talk about Shmoo? The guy fucking rips, genuine dude and is a great commentator.

lay day lay day lay day lay day lay day…. sweet!

Ummm, all this talk about Shmoo arse is getting me so horny ,Shmoo u were so cute an tight as a teenanger,i miss that arse of urs!

Let me take a stab at this:
1. Sage Erickson and Shmoo should be removed from their commentary objectives. Sage is hot and can surf, but we would be better off with pics of Alana’s ass or Laura Evener’s home porno, with no sound (if it was ever released).
2. Alex Grey and Barton Lynch as as bad in the commentary booth.
3. Why the fuck can’t we have a CT contest at Rincon and crush Surf Town USA (Both of them)?
4. How the FUCK did Gabriel Medina get a 9+ ride on a one move wave. Remove all judges. This is a point break. How the FUCK can you give a one move wave a score above a 7 at a point break. Tell his dad to throw a chair of the cliff for that one….W the fuck?
5. Ratboy is the best golfer of any ASP surfer in history. He is a 2 handicap which puts him higher than Slater and Richie Collins (When Richie isn’t getting beat up in Newport or wearing webbed gloves: I wonder if he wears those when he golfs?)

I live in Santa Cruz, and the fact that there is no comp at Rincon in f’ing ridiculous! The best Tour w best waves…and we have Brazil. Hopefully this will figured out. Add one in Indo too, but don’t write of SC just yet, this looks like the year its all going to come together starting tomorrow. Rat gets the last laugh. He does nothing but fish and golf, doesn’t work out, and is in a CT against Slater tomorrow. He has no chance, but…..

Tough crowd, but that’s a good thing to keep the industry honest. Looks like O’neill is being exposed on more fronts than having shoddy wetsuits. Since they let Nike grab Nat, they don’t seem to have any hot young talent that would benefit from a wildcard in a WT event. Ratboy, c’mon. All the talented webcasters are on other Co’s payrolls. Swell’s on the way, though, do not despair.

Anti-America trash we are going to swoop down on all the non supporters, for we are the great eagle. Resistance is futile.

Dusty Payne surfs well. He’s like Dane’s step-brother at times.

joe crimo should be in this thing

conner coffin has an real small penis
i know ….. he shown it to me and my little sis
when he was baby sittin us.

Don’t tell my mom !

barton lynch best commentator i’ve heard this year. BL4LyF

tons of kooks on here, yeah, shmoo always sucked, they resurrected him from who knows where… .ugh………..i went down to the contest site yesterday, complete shit conditions, swell on the way

I don’t care about poo stances like Dane, Julian or Adriano.
Just take to the air, bro.
I’m so tired of the same “Parko turns” since Shaun Thompson.
Thanks god JJ and Medina are taking over the tour.

sooo they have a multi million dollar camera hanging on a wire, yet i have the shittiest live stream I’ve ever seen. No settings for video quality? step it up oneill

My 10 year old son is more qualified to announce this event. Shimooka =HORRENDOUS.

Bless you Ronnie Blakely!

honestly, john shimooka, you disrespectful prick…nightmares for fanning? you cold asshole. go to hell

Is Gerr a debbie downer on the contest or what? Stop talking about how everyone is overscored and be happy your sitting next to Shmoo you tool. The ASP must be sitting there saying, “This guy is a disgruntled former ASP hack” and Oneill puts him in the booth to slam our judging? Because that’s what we need more of right now…..OMG shut up

the most terrifying sentence ever spoken:

“Schmoo, go ahead and breakdown this wave for us.”

NOOOOOOOOO!!

“He just stabbed the open face with that dagger”

no fuckin way… I’m down to make a petition for ASP to never have this guy commentating again. its just getting sad now…

between this shmoo asshole and the crazy call on Jadsons last wave, I’ve turned off. Oneill just ruined the 2012 season and what would have been an epic Pipe Masters. This contest fucking sucks. I hope kelly and Joel lose the next round so we can throw this shit out. Way to go dickheads.

gerlach = pompous fuck

Shmoo sucks in a way that makes porn stars jealous. “Let me say it again. TNT!”. This describing the weakest air revo ever by Kolohe (not Kolohe’s fault on a knee high wave). Someone muzzle him.

Mike Parsons must be thrilled at this point…..TNT

Like Alana Blanchard Ace is known for his fabulous backside.

Sage Erickson showed up for Halloween as a hollow headed blond. Oh? Wait, that’s not her costume?!

Why does Oneill have 12 year old girls conducting
on the spot interviews. So far, his comp SUCKS.

ALL YOU FUCKS THAT CAN’T STOP COMPLAINING LIKE LITTLE BITCHES ABOUT EVERY GOD DAMN THING IN THIS COMP JUST TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTERS AND GO DO SOMETHING OUTSIDE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU BUNCH OF BITCHY WANKERS!

Dusty dusted Kelly, but Kelly once again is juiced by the judges.

sage just called parko the word title holder while interviewing him

also, dusty last wave call was bullshit

Dusty’s last wave not even a 9?
Hahaha