Fascism is alright with Dave Rastovich. Afterall, what did Hitler or Musso do to the carefree whale or the friendly dolphin, despite the latter’s penchant for homosexuality? It’s the imperialist Rising Sun with its murderous yella fingers on the harpoon that stokes his fire. But when he isn’t saving the cetacean in red waters off provincial Nippon towns or driving right past his local sushi train despite the bargains and taste treats on offer inside, Dave looses his limbs and clears his head with dramatic cutbacks. It’s his thing. And it’s awesome. Photo: Hilton Dawe

The young boy or girl who is of German nationality and is a subject of the German State is bound to complete the period of school education which is obligatory for every German. Thereby he submits to the system of training which will make him conscious of his race and a member of the folk-community. Then he has to fulfill all those requirements laid down by the State in regard to physical training after he has left school; and finally he enters the army. The training in the army is of a general kind. It must be given to each individual German and will render him competent to fulfill the physical and mental requirements of military service. The rights of citizenship shall be conferred on every young man whose health and character have been certified as good, after having completed his period of military service. This act of inauguration in citizenship shall be a solemn ceremony. And the diploma conferring the rights of citizenship will be preserved by the young man as the most precious testimonial of his whole life. It entitles him to exercise all the rights of a citizen and to enjoy all the privileges attached thereto. For the State must draw a sharp line of distinction between those who, as members of the nation, are the foundation and the support of its existence and greatness, and those who are domiciled in the State simply as earners of their livelihood there. On the occasion of conferring a diploma of citizenship the new citizen must take a solemn oath of loyalty to the national community and the State. This diploma must be a bond which unites together all the various classes and sections of the nation. It shall be a greater honour to be a citizen of this Reich, even as a street-sweeper, than to be the King of a foreign State. The fascist issue is in your hand. There are swastikas, blacks, reds, dogmatic screeds, and Shutzstaffel deaths’ heads raining down from a Ride of Valkyries. Lassen sie uns nie vergessen die pflicht, die wir auf uns genommen haben!
Scan back to the top of the page. That’s from Hitler’s opus Mein Kampf, my love. Why? What does this evil business have to do with surfing? Maybe read Hi-Fi Fascism (page 44) and fill your eyes full of hot fascist surf shots. Or maybe read about Blair Marlin, Rabbit Bartholomew, the ASP, and Dane Reynolds in Vichy, France. Or maybe nothing. Maybe I slather a surf magazine with Goring, Himmler, Eichmann, Hess, Jodl, and Raeder because I can. Because I have the keys to the family car and I want us to go to Berlin. (Actually, I want YOU to go to Berlin. Stab is flying one lucky reader, one way, to Nazi Germany. Check your issue for the Goldgelb Ticket). I can and I did.
That might make me a lazy/sadistic asshole, using simple imagery loaded with negative meaning in order to make a pointlessly shocking impression. You might be very angry with me when, at the news agency, you see an old Auschwitz surviving grandma weeping uncontrollably at the symbol of her people’s destruction plastered on a surf magazine.
OR it might make me the super funnest person on Earth! Swastikas? Yaaay! Hate-filled ranting? Yaaaay! Totally fabulous uniforms? Yaaay! The destruction of Europe? Like, triple yaaaaaaay! What is not to love? Morality is easy to play with. Nobody but hyper-religious housewives gonna make a stink about bare-breasted women in a surf magazine. But ideology? Tugging on that string is to the 21st century what a lithe, uncovered nipple was to the 19th century.
Fun fun fun. Play play play. Like surfing!
Whatever. Just remember, holding hands is so groovy, necking at a horror movie. Staying out late out a party, loving my girl got me started Woah oh oh shooting my mouth off like a son of a gun. When we’re together love is fun.