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Jordy Smith and Lyndall Jarvis – Pawn Stars

Words by Derek Rielly

Photos by Richard Freeman

The baritone hack of a three-litre Audi diesel signals the arrival of the subjects for this issue’s cover shoot. 

Jordy Smith, 24 and Lyndall Jarvis, who’s just a little older, climb out of the immense German vehicle and in, that tawny afternoon Hawaiian light, it’s as if Lono himself has shone a divine torch on the couple. Lyndall’s apple cheeks inflate Diesel denim shorts and a black t-shirt serves as protection from wolfish eyes. Jordy, slim as a whippet, brown as a berry, happy as a lark and looking like the cat that ate the canary, wears elastic-waist beach shorts and covers his unusual nipples in vintage cotton.

You find us on this early winter afternoon on Oahu’s North Shore in a clapboard rental at Backyards, Sunset.

Jordy sits down with a Hawaiian poke bowl of raw fish and a seaweed salad. A hair and makeup artist from Los Angeles hovers, her fingers testing the pliability of Jordy’s outer branches.

“Big hair,” she says.

“Yeah, big hair,” says Jordy. “It’s a big bush. Groom it. Do whatever you like to me. You need to cement this hair in this position because it doesn’t bow to anything.”

Lyndall strolls out into the parlour with jeans painted on her flanks.

Jordy strikes. “You. Look. Hot.”

“How are the jeans, girl?” says our stylist.

“Tight. No secrets,” says Lyndall.

Soon, you see us in the Q7, with support crew in a forgettable Ford Explorer, lighting up the Nimitz Highway to Wahiawa, a slightly down-at-heel town en route to our final destination at the Modern Hotel in Honolulu.

At a laundromat, a Chinese restaurant, at a pawn store and on the strip outside a run of men’s satisfaction salons, the couple pose, strut a little, and generally charge the photos like two fabulous and mythical beasts.

The night ends, late, but not so late the memories are shot, in their hotel room, which you see here.

Jordy peels off his clogs. Lyndall presents. Two warm-blooded animals dominating the animal kingdom.

An oversimplification of a highly complex and sophisticated love, perhaps.

33 comments so far...
1.

what in the god damn hell is wrong with stab and their literary retards??! Ya we know you guys use clever sayings, but trying to sound awesome in every sentence is absolutely, ridiculously annoying. Using “hinges” for knees, “leaves” for cash, “wraps” for cutbacks, NOBODY uses these words in real life. Nobody I say. Well maybe in Oz, but they dont count really. Good lord! I’d rather read a novel of Chas Smith’s incoherent ramblings than read one more hot garbage mess from Derek Reilly or a useless trendy caption each time I log on to this god forsaken site. F***CK. FML.

2.

She loves his cash.

3.

Who gives a fuck about Derek’s prose, it’s the content which should appall. Entirely deplorable shit concerning two young people, whose only claims to fame are exceptional talent in the water and good looks. Do they really deserve a pay cheque for such inane pursuits?

4.

Just went from 6 to midnight

5.

Periods are tough, eh? My missus bitches like you when it’s that time. Cranberry juice helps, she said.

1.

Just went from 6 to midnight

2.

what in the god damn hell is wrong with stab and their literary retards??! Ya we know you guys use clever sayings, but trying to sound awesome in every sentence is absolutely, ridiculously annoying. Using “hinges” for knees, “leaves” for cash, “wraps” for cutbacks, NOBODY uses these words in real life. Nobody I say. Well maybe in Oz, but they dont count really. Good lord! I’d rather read a novel of Chas Smith’s incoherent ramblings than read one more hot garbage mess from Derek Reilly or a useless trendy caption each time I log on to this god forsaken site. F***CK. FML.

    3.

    Periods are tough, eh? My missus bitches like you when it’s that time. Cranberry juice helps, she said.

    4.

    Please focus on how close Jordy’s nipples are to each other. It will help you relax.

5.

Liking Jody now. Don’t take himself too seriously,

Good on him.

    6.

    totally agree!

7.

hahaha that’s why Jordy got stocked in the world title race! he is probably weak! to much sex! I would brake my dick if I have this girl!

8.

Couldn’t agree more Zaffer. A few quirky comments would be enough to seperate yourself from the pack, but you have taken that maverick spirit and squeezed out every last drop of originality leaving you with nothing more than predictable strangeness at every turn. There is a fine line between being entertaining and being stupid, and for me that line was obliterated by Stab long ago… Lest we forget – this is a surf website where punters generally log on to look at photos or watch clips (which are of a high quality here so i keep logging on despite the verbiage).

9.

She loves his cash.

    10.

    that’s why you let them smell it, but don’t give them any of it.

11.

megaspray, bang on with that comment.
my chick thinks he is rather ordinary to look at, and she is a bombshell.

12.

Oh boy, that girl is a knockout! Looks like a petit charlize theron I’d say. Seems to make her own money, so she may like him. Why the hell not?

13.

One of my fellow retards commented a long while back that this is exactly why Jordy can’t win a title – he is still ‘mesmerised by endless pussy’. Not that it is a bad thing – good luck to him. I also agree with a few comments here about stab producing far too many articles that are complete horse piss, absolute dribble or just shite. Most of the writing sounds like it comes from a 14 year old boy who has no pubes and has not felt a girls nice bits yet, who is trying far too hard to impress said girls and the older boys around him. Good surf clips though.

    14.

    Who gives a fuck about Derek’s prose, it’s the content which should appall. Entirely deplorable shit concerning two young people, whose only claims to fame are exceptional talent in the water and good looks. Do they really deserve a pay cheque for such inane pursuits?

15.

Can someone pay me shitloads to underachieve. Jordy is quickly becoming yesterdays hero.

16.

@ Aquaba go stink up treach retard!!!

    17.

    Sorry for using your words – I have no original thoughts of my own. Yay treach this wekend.

18.

jordys chick is smokin…..for a man. Ive seen him in that same dress walking down hollywood blvd…..workin

19.

I am the great cornoholio

20.

i knew her before she went out with jordy. does that make me cool now?

21.

Does anyone think she commented on Jordy’s nipples and how close together they are?

22.

This is so overly written I couldn’t make it past the first few sentences.

23.

I’d take that ass over a world title.

24.

This is wonderful story that makes me happier than when I watched the latest stab a gram! I’d like a stab a gram special for this wonderful couple!
If they have puppies, I’d like to have one for sure! I can’t buy the car.

25.

If jordy wasnt a rich pro surfer and was a normal 9-5 guy hed have no chance with that chick

what you think shes with you because of your looks? NEGRO PLEASE!

    26.

    you sampled a diss rap about jay z and applied it to jordy.

27.

do the curtains match the carpet?

28.

I just blew a big load all over jordies….I mean her face

29.

- Jordys surfing is awesome
- His Girl is fine fine fine.
- I’m jealous
- You’re all kooks
- Stop being f#**ots and surf.. even if it is onshore and half a foot.

30.

Cranberry Juice.

31.

Travis Logie?

He just commented on his round 3 win over Jordy at the Gold Coast Pro. He mentioned his good life, his beautiful wife and children and how he has a lock on what is most important…. surfing is just part of that.

Jordy needs to get his personal life under control….. and his morals, too.

Go Jordy…..

32.

Well, no one beats Andy and Lyndie ;)

33.

^^^ actually drugs did.

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