You ever wonder what superstars talk about when they call each other? Money? Chicks? Investments? Golf? Surfing? A few weeks back we bought a Spycorder this radical $500 device with a wireless mike you can tap phones with, and figured it'd make for interesting reading to whack it on various phone lines. Y'know, a little reality show for magazines. Kinda like Real Life meets FBI undercover surveillance. First up, we stuck it on Joel Parkinson's phone line while the kid roamed around upstairs on his cordless to Hawaiian Kalani Robb.
Kalani: Hello.
Joel: Hello?
Kalani: (Really vague) Heeeey...
Joel: Kalani?
Kalani: (kinda suspiciously) Yes...
Joel: It's |oel.
Kalani: Who?
Joel: IT'S PARKO!
Kalani: Hiya. what up there?
Joel: What's going on, buddy?
Kalani: How you doin?
Joel: Good, real good. Yourself?
Kalani: I'm sitting on my porch... watching the sunset... I've had about seven or eight beers and the waves are fucking perfect...
Joel: I heard.! heard the waves are pumping, huh?
Kalani: The waves are fucking perfect. It was like ten feet at Pipe today and perfect.
Joel: Was Backdoor on?
Kalani: Nah, it was too west for Backdoor today.
Joel: Ahhh, what about the Backdoor Shootout, when's that on?
Kalani: Uh, it's on Thursday.
Joel: Fuck, I didn't even know...
Kalani: Are you in it?
Joel: Nuuuup.
Kalani: You're not?
Joel: I'm going to Tasmania on a boat trip.
Kalani: Ohhh right. Yeah, yeah... Solid.
Joel: Yeah, so what's going on?
Kalani: Nuthin, I just got home just this afternoon and got straight into this swell. I came from Utah.
Joel: What were you doin' in Utah?
Kalani: Like, snowboarding and shit like that.
Joel: Oh yeah, I went to Canada and went snowboarding and got home about ten days I
Kalani: We're gonna go there in about a week... to Canada...
Joel: Really? I'm so addicted to snowboarding.
Kalani: Yeah, how fun is it?
Joel: I love it.
Kalani: Dhh man...
Joel: When are you coming over?
Kalani: I'm gonna come over two weeks, at least two-and-a-half weeks before the evs (Gold Coast WCT) and I have your number. Actually, I might just get your number again.
Joel: I'll give you my home number too...
Kalani: I got a pen too, so shoot...
Joel: Hey, uh, Kalani, right now, I forgot to tell you, I was supposed to tell you but right now on the phone here, we're tapped. We're on a tapped line.
Kalani: A tapped line?
Joel: Yeah, a tapped line... A surfing mag has tapped into this phone line and are listenin to our conversation. Haha.
Kalani: (kinda worried) Ahhhhhh...
Joel: Yeah, this Aussie mag, Stab.
Kalani: Hey, have I been Punk'd or something stupid like that? Haha...
Joel: Ha, ha, ha, nah it's not like Punk'd. It's not like Punk'd, nah, haha, we've just got to have a chat and they just put it in their mag.
Kalani: Okay, I'm making this worthwhile. I'm just staying right here on the floor, getting fucking wasted and I'm gonna be jibbering shit.
Joel: Hahaha, that's hot. So, when are you coming to stay?
Kalani: Um, I'm gonna come as soon as possible, I'm not sure.
Joel: Well, you can come and stay with me before the con'est, that's cool. You gotta cornel round, come stay for like a week or so.
Kalani: Um, I'm coming a week early for sure, I gotta be there at least a week early. Even by the time I have to leave over there, I always want to stay. As soon as I come back from Canada I'm gonna go straight over there.
Joel: Cool.
The rest of this article available in the real issue. Stab Magazine 01 - MARCH / APRIL 2004
Pick up a time machine, set the digits to 2004 and get yourself a copy.
