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Joel Parkinson, stil firing, into the semis. ASP/Kirstin


Ever seen face work as good as Michel's this morning? Power! ASP/Will H-S


Kelly is looking sharp as ever. Semis, thanks. ASP/Carey


Mick also furiously sliced his way into the semis. ASP/Carey


Jules Wilson in the best kind of sand pit. ASP/Will H-S


Jules, and, uh, dare we say, move of the event so far after Dane's turn? ASP/Kirstin


Last year's winner, Taj, scooped a fifth. ASP/Will H-S


The new, more serious Wilko takes fifths, not 33rds, in 2013. ASP/Will H-S


Bede Durbidge is back this year. ASP/Kirstin

Here’s our golden sand!

Then there were four men left in the Quiksilver Pro, Gold Coast. And, what a four: Mr.’s Parkinson, Slater and Fanning, first, second and third finishers of last year’s world tour, and Mr. Bourez, who’s as surprised as anyone to find himself in such an excellent position. Well, maybe not everyone’s surprised by Michel being in the semis…

“Spartan’s been the top surfer of the whole event for me,” said Joel after learning he’d face Michel tomorrow. “He looks like an animal at the moment. A new surfer, a new competitor, really focused. I love that passion he has on a wave, he’s aggressive and it’s gonna be a tough battle.”

“Michel’s (only) a dark horse because he hasn’t won events,” agreed Kelly. “But you put him on a right with an open face and power to the wave, and he’s gonna match it better than anyone. There’s not many guys on tour who are as strong as him. When he sets his shoulders and pushes with his legs, it’s pretty much a thing of beauty.”

So, what’s Michel attribute his position to? “I feel calm,” says the Tahitian. “I grew up so quick since I had my kid, that helped me out a lot with my life. Last year was a transition year, so I knew this year I had to do well, and I was ready for it.”

Yes, there’s Michel, who’s face work has been unmatched. But lip work all belongs to Joel at Snapper. Julian Wilson put up a fight against the world champ that turned out to perhaps be heat of the event so far. “Julian is by far one of the most exciting surfers in the world,” said Joel afterwards. “I had a 10 but he’s just as capable to do that as well,” (of 10s, Joel also said the only ones you remember are the ones with barrels – all the others are just a blur). And, what of all that World Title glow? “I feel people lift, but I feel that I lift, too,” Joel said. “I guess, being world champ, I have that confidence that I’ve worked hard for in the back of your mind. I understand that I have a target on my back and that inspires me to lift. Especially with guys like Julian and Dane, that are really new school, and just have the amazing ability to do tricks and flow through to the next manoeuvre, which blows me away.”

Joel belted lips, Michel cleaved faces, but Kelly was everywhere. Hs surfing was inspired. Or, maybe it wasn’t? Maybe it was just relaxed, and fun? Who knows. One thing you can be certain of is that there ain’t one single nuance that’s lost on him: “That one I went to the air on, it was funny ’cause I was going down the line and the wind actually flipped and came offshore at me,” he recalled afterwards of a spin that helped net him a 9.43. “When I was setting that section up I could see the wind coming up under me, so I just knew I had to get the nose towards shore and it’d keep it against my feet. It was just a bit of luck ’cause as soon as I got on the ski the wind was south.”

Kelly mentioned that the few niggling aches and pains he’d been feeling had changed his game a shade: “With the way my back is, I’ve been shortening my turns a bit, I’m sorta scared to turn a certain way. I’m gonna have to work on that for tomorrow, I’m expecting we’re gonna get some open faces.” Injuries or no, it’s nothing that the excitement of a heat can’t block out. “It’s getting better,” continued Kelly. “It was bad a coupla days ago. A few tight muscles here and there. But when you get in the water the adrenaline kicks in, and you don’t think about hurting, you figure you can deal with that later.”

Kelly also expressed his distaste for a piece that Will Swanton had just written on performance-enhancing drugs in surfing, (a subject that’s been receiving a inflated amount of attention in recent weeks). Kelly’s quotes in the piece were painted as a counter to the idea of P.E.D.s in surfing, but the quotes used were actually in relation to staying relevant, performance-wise, on tour (I know this, ’cause I heard Kelly say it). There was much back-pedalling and justification about the piece and it ain’t all worth getting into, but Kelly certainly doesn’t have anything to hide: “You can pay for the test,” he told Will. “I’ll get tested all year long.”

The last heat of the day saw Mick Fanning put an end to Matt Wilkinson’s good run. But according to Mick, hometown advantage didn’t help him much. “I’m still trying to figure out that bank, it’s so tricky and changes so quick,” he said. “I keep looking for the waves that I would usually wanna ride, and they just don’t come. So hopefully the ones I do wanna ride come tomorrow and they just have a big smiley face stickered on them.”

Mick also said he was excited to come up against the 11-time world champ in tomorrow’s semis. “I think Kelly brings the best out in everyone’s surfing,” Mick said. “I love competing against him, you’ve gotta go out there with your double A-plus game. I’ll focus on that tomorrow. He’s pushed me so many times. It’s a great rivalry, it goes back and forth a lot. I think last time we surfed against each other out here, he beat me, so I’ll be looking to get him back.”

Will he get him back? Tomorrow could be the best day of 2013 so far. Watch it all here. – Elliot Struck

Heat 1: 
Michel Bourez (PYF) 17.10 def. Jeremy Flores (FRA) 13.33
Heat 2: Joel Parkinson (AUS) 13.83 def. Adam Melling (AUS) 11.83
Heat 3: Bede Durbidge (AUS) 11.67 def. Brett Simpson (USA) 11.00
Heat 4: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 13.67 def. Travis Logie (ZAF) 9.24

QF 1: 
Michel Bourez (PYF) 10.67 def. Taj Burrow (AUS) 9.77
QF 2: Joel Parkinson (AUS) 18.27 def. Julian Wilson (AUS) 8.80
QF 3: Kelly Slater (USA) 18.03 def. Bede Durbidge (AUS) 10.40
QF 4: Mick Fanning (AUS) 16.00 def. Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 10.00

SF 1: 
Michel Bourez (PYF) vs. Joel Parkinson (AUS)
SF 2: Kelly Slater (USA) vs. Mick Fanning (AUS)

  • yeww

    go michel you gun

    • Finally

      Sick of arse kissing surf “journalists”? Go to

  • jb

    i hope michel wins it

  • geoff

    Kelly Slater on a whole nother level. wow. The rest of the guys are all blowing up but he just seems more….. More capable.. More open minded, more inovative, more speed, more style, flow.. more moves. He is looking as good as ever. The more he is pushed the more he will rise. Bring on the finals.

  • john howard

    Peter mel on julians mum:

    “She is a gem. I hugged her this morning and she smelt beautiful. She really takes care of herself.”

    Cheers for that mate. These surf commentators are the biggest bunch of bone heafs going. How the fuck do we ever expect any one who does not surf to take our sport serious when we have a bunch of fucking cock suckers commentating.

    Please can we get all new commentators at every event. Keep 2 or three the rest can fuck off


    • Yep

      Haha amazing!

    • Facts

      Wilson says on his ASP profile that his two biggest inspirations are his mom and Lance Armstrong…Can’t wait to hear about Lance Armstrong from Peter Mel now…

      • Facts

        Update: his biggest inspirations are now “Mum and Matt Hayden”…

        What kind of drug this Hayden guy is taking?

    • rick

      Mel is a Santa Cruz lackey who knows some things about surfing, but has no tact outside of quiver knowledge. He is old and is not interesting. Not sure if someone felt sorry for him, but he shouldn’t have this job.

    • Herry Tardy

      Peter Mel says ‘wow’ in such a retarded way. Repeatedly. I appreciate commentating for these events must be tough – all that airtime to fill in between waves – but when you do get a wave ridden, all you hear is Pottz going ‘baaang!’ and Mel’s deapan ‘wow’ in response to any turn. Commentary continues to be a shameful parody to surfers being monosyllabic monkeys.

    • Shawn Kemp

      I don’t want anyone who doesn’t surfs to ever take our “sport” seriously. Surfing is not a “sport”. You can keep your jock shit. Do we really need more people in the water?!

    • critic

      jesse adams makes a billion outrageous calls

  • alcho

    I hadn’t really been able to make a deduction on the quality of surfing in the event so far (mainly because snake sank ten too many red cans, looped out, and sent them out to 2ft greenmount for the first 4 rounds) but today was fucking impressive. Jules v Joel heat was mental from about ten minutes in. Kelly nuff said. Bring on the final and please Snake, take it easy tonight so you can make a lucid judgement tomorrow.

  • Gerlach in the booth!!!


  • Yep

    Get rid of Snake, get someone from the Goldy involved who knows the wave inside/out!

    Pretty funny when Rosie interviewed Snake the other day about what the call was gonna be for the rest of the day, he had his board and boardies out of shot on the floor and was fucking off to Kirra! Nice one!

    • frothdog

      4sure, he is a fuckin muppet. jake the cake.. most clueless contest director ever.. cmon quiksilver, you must know someone who knows something..

  • The Captain

    Nobody can touch Kelly/Mick/Joel at Snapper when they are ON, unreal to watch. That said, would be sick to see Michel win!

  • Surfordie

    Thanks for the best waves of the day Snake. When you sent us punters out for free surf in the middle of the quarter finals. Yeah, keep them calls coming!

  • Stu Bedford-Brown

    Why is Jake Patto in charge? He’s from Cottelsloe Beach not Snapper Rocks, right?

  • Liam

    Day 11 of the Quiksilver Pro

    6:00 am: Snake is awoken to the sound of his hotel door being kicked open. A large angry man is standing over him screaming. His mind is groggy and he cannot remember the last 2 weeks let alone last night. The man is screaming something about ripping him off. Apparently Snake’s scheme to sell baking soda as coke hadn’t gone so well. He manages to pay the man off with the box full of new quik shit he had sitting next to his bed. While Quiksilver had recently laid off the majority of their marketing department and team riders, they were paying Snake a handsome sum as a brand ambassador and sent him boxes of new clothes on a weekly basis as he refuses to do laundry.

    6:30 am: Snake is not at the contest site but he is awake. He’s sitting at a local bar downing bloody mary’s. The quiksilver executives decide to put the contest on hold until 11.

    7:30 am: Snake manages to show up just in time for the morning show. His eyes are dark and have massive bags. The rampant cocaine use over the past two weeks is beginning to wear on him. His speech is stuttered and unclear. He mutters something about the waves being epic. The camera pans out to the surf where it looks far from epic. Wind crumbles and a touch too big for snapper to actually be good.

    9:00 am: Snake is seen openly masturbating with Courtney Conologue’s bathing suit bottoms in the VIP zone of the competitors area. Kelly Slater is not amused and begs Bob McKnight to make it stop. Bob can’t do much… Snake is the contest director and can shut the whole thing down and not finish it if anyone confronts him. Bob tells Kelly his hands are tied. In a fit of rage Kelly paints “there are 5 million Iraqi Orphans!” No one really understands or cares but Peter Mel, the missing member of the Village People discusses it anyway. Snake finishes and passes out in a beanbag, dick still exposed with Courtney’s bottoms wrapped around his shaft. Parents cover their children’s eyes, Slater looks away, Julian feels his normally dormant man parts come to life as his gaze fixates upon Snakes now flaccid penis. Dane Reynolds is surfing rainbow bay going absolutely apeshit. Parko is up in the judges booth blowing Richie Porta.

    11:00 am: Snake has woken up from his nap and put his penis away. His hangover has not yet kicked in. He sees the subpar snapper with storm clouds on the horizon and calls the contest on. At this point the surfers just want to get the thing over with as they’ve had to check in at the contest site every other hour for the past two weeks just to watch Snake get barreled while he calls the contest off from the water.

    1:00 pm: The waves have gone to absolute shit. Snake insists that they run on! He is drunk again and is now scaring small children. The surfers feel like mutiny is their only option but are scared of losing their sponsors if they show any personality so they blindly follow. Taj and Michel paddle out in unridable slop. The executives panic after Taj loses because the waves are so bad he couldn’t do a turn. They put the contest on hold. Snake instead screams “Comp is on hold till farking 3:30 cunts! I don’t care how good It gets out there.” 5 minutes later the wind dies and the waves turn on. It’s the best snapper anyone has scene in well over two weeks. Snake paddles out taking off on every wave but not doing anything other than standing there. 2 hrs later he comes in and calls the comp on just as the tide starts to shut it down and the wind picks back up.

    4:00 pm: Parko paddles out against Julian. He does 3 turns one is only slightly above average… His blowing of Richie Porta has paid off as he is awarded a 10. Snake would have been pleased had he been present. Instead he is frantically googling “thai ladyboys in coolangatta”. His search is unsuccessful, he must settle for schmoo again.

    7:00 pm: Snake has taken acid with Schmoo. No one really thought anybody did that anymore but Snake flies in the face of convention. He texts the quiksilver execs that the contest is off for tomorrow. Tomorrow is the last day of the waiting period so all they can hope for is that he’ll be in a better mood tomorrow and decide to run. Snake goes back to a night of passionate lovemaking with Schmoo.

    • TH

      You know, theres so much truth to these… snake is a muppet. Gota say too, That wasnt a 10 from Parko, he rode the shit out of it, but a 10!! I think not…

  • hog

    where’s liams report?

  • hog

    hahahahaha. Yes! keep em coming. more oxy and coke references

  • MartinPotter

    Dougherty singe-handedly saves the commentary.

    • Shanesucksbigtime

      What?! Shane “maaaaate” Doherty?? What are you on and where did you buy it?

  • Bob

    Liam, please keep em coming for every contest, although I doubt you gonna get such an easy target as the Snake again. Nevertheless, nice work brother.

  • Dickie Moist

    If I had a nickel for every time Dough Boy Doherty said “totally”, I’d have a huge sock full of nickels that I would use to bludgeon him senseless.

  • Spitball

    Kelly is once again on another level. Everyone else has their thing, parko has his pivot off the top, mick his speed jive, Michel has Dane (kealoha) power hacks, but kelly has all of it and a huge bag of other shit if he needs it. His ally oops are the best in the game, carving threes, the sharpest snaps, it’s fucking endless. And all with a stiff back. Only injury could stop a twelfth title. I wonder why he chose to focus on Iraqs orphans though? Seems lots of other countries have more. And doesn’t five million orphans require five to ten million dead moms and dads? When did ten million people die in Iraq?

  • Lupton Pitman

    Bring back Gerr he is the best commentator the ASP has ever seen. He always knows exactly what every pro is doing wrong at all times and never hesitates to correct them. Also he tries incredibly hard to look like Johnny Depp which is hysterical.

  • the doctor

    we should try Roy and HG

    least it would be funny

  • bodhi

    #27 is war child aka lupton pitman

  • jj

    U could see that after every wave that was finished in duel between Parko an Jules, that Parko clearly though there is no better on a surfboard than him ,buddy u looked no more than over amped old man with skinnny legs !

  • Carlton Wizz

    Is ‘Golden Sand’ anything like ‘Golden Snow’? Gross.

  • just sayin

    parko is getting WC points for sure his 10 was weak…. so was his 9 against dane… i honestly think his surfing has gotten worse over the summer he looks skinny and weaker in the legs probably been working on his upper body to much…his sliding off the top looks forced and unless his doing that amazing arc, im not buying it!! judge are pumping his shit up 1.5 points a wave…

  • TH

    Its called the world champ scoring difference… As good a surfer as Slater is, he’s had it too..

  • TH

    Mick just posted a pic of Kirra… If thats what it looks like right now, GET THIS FUCKIN COMP AND SEMI”S GOING SNAKE!!!!!!! FUCK!!!

  • pottz

    pottz is just building a house

  • Bowl cut

    Sick to death of being unable to watch the live feed for longer then 30 seconds before it cuts, and when the ‘highlights’ finally roll in.. Oh god. Which fucking clown at the editing desk decided to zoom in and slow mo EVERY shot, this is fucked! This last video is 6 minutes? Entirely in slow motion? Fuck you quiksilver, a 3 year old with a basic grasp on the English language could have directed this thing better then you shit kickers

  • DeesNuts

    Parko is blowing the judges. Surfs well but not exciting to watch. Same move on repeat.

  • jake

    meet me tonight liam , behind the judging tower, so we can finnish off our last story , or are you a chicken shit like i thought ,, snake



  • caguamero

    Go Ke12y! So great he beat the coolie kids at their own breaks

  • MR

    I think Jake Patterson just shut all you whiners down. LOL. You dumbasses. He looks like a genius after those finals…

  • B

    Fagggitsss! Bring back Sir Royden Bryson and Ricky Bobby. There are no ecentric surfers on tour other thank Wilko. B.

  • Done


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