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Be funny! Win colourful watch!

Caption contests will never be passé. If a publication so elegant as The New Yorker can ask its readers to throw comedy at an image, then everyone else is allowed to, also. That in mind, this is a straight-forward play. Here’s an image; It’s Californian surfer Alex Knost, telling an animated story, shot by Morgan Maassen. We want you to caption it for us. Be original, be profound, be funny, be whatever. But, too much crassness is a bullet in the foot. Bring this image to life with better words than anyone else, and you’ll scoop a G-Shock watch. That’s it.

Write them in the comments below. Most rated comment wins the watch. Winner chosen next tuesday. And, use your real email address so we can get atchya (don’t worry, no-one else can see it).

126 comments so far...
1.

“i like turtles”

2.

It was the biggest nipple hair ever, ah man I miss it.

3.

“I got like this close to sniffing one of Alana’s farts”

4.

I hate Brazzos this much…

5.

Your comment was this much too long.

1.

I told the stylist, I want my hair extensions this long!

2.

I hate Brazzos this much…

    3.

    medina won by this much

4.

…so, I looked for a weapon of some kind, found a hammer, like, this big, and started swinging into his shoulder blades, kept swinging until disappeared into absolute blackness. You’re not smart enough to jive me out of a wave, I screamed at him. My face was so twisted with rage it frightened me. Like, seriously.

    5.

    Your comment was this much too long.

6.

Look! I’ve got surf, I’ve got four fucking guitars, an amp and great fucking hair. You’re about this far along on the contract number I’m looking for…

7.

Christmas morning is so exciting and beautiful with the presents wrapped in colourful paper lying beneath the red, green and silver tree. Last year I got so many presents, like, one box was seriously this wide. Thanks Jared!

8.

Stab is so immature. I, like, hate those guys this much. Maybe so more but hate is such a futile emotion… Oh, hey, is someone taking my photo? Oh, is that you Morgan? Oh, I totally hate cameras.

9.

This is how much i hate that watch you’re giving away. Its hideous.

    10.

    …let me get this straight, you don’t like two-dollar plastic watches?

      11.

      DANE REYNOLDS

    12.

    this is how much i want you to give the watch to ^that guy

13.

I was THIS close to signing the autograph, but Iggy’s the kinda guy who’s just crazy enough to sue someone over impersonation, so I just threw up the bunny ears and split.

14.

Argh!!! After 30 years I’m still trying work out how to “clap”…….Ugh!

15.

My dick is this long

    16.

    give the watch to this guy

17.

“i like turtles”

18.

Oh, my, god. Ellith Erickthon’s hipth are thith wide!

19.

It was the biggest nipple hair ever, ah man I miss it.

20.

Ok, so Scientology, is like a religion but it ain’t. Kinda sci-fi, but, uh, bitchin all the same. Like a totally clean nose ride. I’m a thetan, people, a thetan. You’ve heard of Tom Cruise, right? You like Tom Cruise, right? Who doesn’t? Ok, so this is like Mission Impossible meets Sprout.

21.

My ego is this big……. no like, seriously maan I was in a band like.

22.

“Da da … Look no hands” Re sunglasses

23.

Oh please, I was wearing skinny jeans when dane reynolds was this big.

24.

Tiago’s biggest air was this high

25.

Im like, so 70′s hipster Im like this far away from starting a new look, I swear to buddah.. I call it “mint tulip lamp shade style”. Its so bad its good. Think Dane Reynolds’ bowl cut, yoko ono girlfriend muse, times it by 1 million and this is what you get… me in a mint cardigan, in washed out, over exposed photos. Im expecting a call from Quiksilver any day now. What were we talking about again? Sorry I just caught a glimpse of myself in your camera lense.

26.

You know that statue in Rio de Janeiro , Christ the Redeemer, they used me to model it.

27.

All the single ladies, all the single ladies, put your hands up!

28.

I can’t bring myself to clap

29.

“Why don’t you just put the gun down, and we can talk about this Noodles. You’ll always be cool, I’m not trying to steal your thunder man. People totally still think you’re relevant….”

30.

“so i said “look bro, I don’t want any trouble. we agreed on the phone. 20 to watch, 40 to touch. i didn’t drive all the way out to the valley to be ripped off’… again.”

31.

“I got like this close to sniffing one of Alana’s farts”

32.

I dont care this much

33.

So how big was the joint u just smoked ..?

34.

I was once, like, this deep in a barrel maan! Psyched

35.

“What’s this long, brown and hard?”……….”A stick”

36.

what’s about this long and fucks chooks?

an axe.

37.

Hey there is not one figure 8 turn in dear suburbia….
Ps G shock is gay

38.

So Kelly paddles out and I swear his stick is shorter than my….

39.

not a single genuinely funny comment so far…..

40.

THIS AREA ONLY, FILM IN THIS AREA!! I swear to god, I bet Mariah Carey doesnt get treated this way.. Save the pan shots of my guitars to show my sensitive caring side later. Im gonna do a music montage with wind in my hair on the balcony later…. But until then, This film is all about this area, get it!! AND SOMEONE GET ME A SOY LATTE

41.

So…. when I do “this” I look just like the tree in the photo behind me. Cool story hey Morgan???

42.

“I gave up on trying to be normal”

43.

…people often ask me where I draw my style from and I’m like…. dude, it comes from all around you know man, its totally like this creative cosmic energy running through me and I just let it flow man.

44.

The cops thought I was a chick. I lifted up my arms and was groped.

45.

His was this long, nearly as long as mine Morgan, fucking ridicilous! Why cant mine be long?

46.

“Why do people have trouble understanding I have hands like a man?”

47.

OOPS……. i did it again!

48.

…and then the tree reached out to me and spoke as an emination of god. It said “Alex, my son, you are the neo-messiah of the new age. Go forth in divinity my son, go forth!” and I wept tears of joy finally knowing my destiny… I even got a photo of it for my jam room man..

49.

“Lately I’ve just been feeling real paraniod you know man, like even the pictures on the walls seem out to get me… Gotta wear my sunnies backwards just to keep em’ guessing you know. “

50.

and I swear dude the Dolphins cock was this long! It was frightening.

51.

“Na honest when no one watches me I can get spirit bombs this big”

52.

“Yeah, I love Iggy! Look at me! He’s got mojo! This big!

53.

This is how long a piece of string is, it’s not ambiguous, I have decided, Dane agrees

54.

“So Morgan. Who’s this photo shoot for?”
“STAB Mag”
“And they want my hands like this? “… “Surely they wont take the piss out of me???”

55.

G shocks suck unless your a wanna be yo boy. Throw a Nixon up there and we will talk

56.

I never touched your mum man……I swear she just fell on me, it wasnt what it looked like…

57.

my credibility….used to be this big……..then beau foster came along.

58.

I surf this much better than the rest of the women of tour!!!

59.

Have you ever held two tits this far apart? Well, that’s one big bitch.
Puts things into perspective.

60.

I’m this much big of a hipster. Maybe the king of em all.

61.

Whoa, wait, hold on. You’re telling me I can save 15% or more by switching my car insurance to geico? Do I get to meet the gecko as apart of this deal also?

62.

Whoa, wait, hold on. You’re telling me I can save 15% or more by switching my car insurance to geico? Do I get to meet the gecko as apart of this deal also?

63.

“Ohh man Morgan I’m telling you it was totally serendipitous. I woke up one afternoon and realized that on a millimeter scale, that there are THIS many guys and gals that try to look, act, and surf exactly like me! Have you heard about this crappy van trend I started? …Oh well you should head to Sano and check it out!”

64.

“and that’s how I got the nickname, “tripod”

65.

BROO! IM TELLIN YOU, KELLY SLATER SOFT…

66.

I ate some mescaline and hopped on an old tri-plane hull and the board went real good and uh it felt like I was on a spaceship…umm I’m not really sure what to do with my hands right now.

67.

i wonder when my sponsors are going to call Stab to make them take this down.

68.

“so, look Bros. Seriously. I know you all think I am gonna be Kurt Cobain for Halloween, but I am not, because I look like him every single day and it would be cliche’, but bros don’t be upset. I am going to be Taylor Swift instead. World Peace”

69.

Dip that fucker in flour and deep fry it uppp! Can I have seconds?

70.

this whole thing isn’t working out how I planned. they were not supposed to turn on me. someone please put me out of my misery.

71.

peace be with you and also with you

72.

you know all those rap music videos you watch of chicks dancing?? i had a dream i was a rapstar making one and this chick had her bum right up in my face-I mean right up in there!I kid you not one of her cheeks was this wide. It was magical.

73.

my friends cock is this long

74.

so I told them I want my next longboard fin this big

75.

wow these are incredibly horrible

76.

the future of surfboard design? boards will be this big and look like frisbees. yep.

77.

I wasn’t like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere’s a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who’s a hero. The music he’s created over the years, I don’t really listen to it, but the fact that he’s making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I’m selling? No. Do I know what I’m doing today? No. But I’m here, and I’m gonna give it my best shot.

78.

look man, i told you i ALWAYS win at gay chicken

79.

Terrible, unfunny comments. Maybe only stupid people want a big red watch.

    80.

    76. Best comment on here.

81.

i want the reindeer on my cardigan to have antlers this long

82.

“I’ll never ride a board this big, longboarding brah”

83.

i don’t always ride modern boards…. but when i do, nobody cares

84.

Look Morgan, seriously, I must go. My people need me.

85.

“Sure, I know Lisa Anderson, we have some things in common. I’ve borrowed her sweater and her curling iron, but other than that… I just don’t know what you are alluding to…..what?”

86.

and so i was all “listen here.. if your gonna try and pick up surfing, do yourself and the rest of us a favor, and stop while your ahead”

87.

these caption contests get like, this much comments, but i should try anyway cause that red g-shock would look great with my harstyle”

88.

Acid? acid. Meow, so much…acid

89.

the tab of acid was this long, and i was like, “how am i gonna fit that on my tongue?”

90.

“I am the Messiah. And I say: Surf with shrugged shoulders, discolour you hair and don’t forget to do it as if you didn’t care. Oh but always hide the ky…”

91.

” … alfalfa sprouts.”

92.

No shit – if I don’t smoke one this long of the pharmaceutical grade stuff in the morning, I really, really struggle getting out of bed

93.

“A friend of mine told me to invest all I had in mint-green sweaters before the recession, now I can’t even afford a haircut.”

94.

Annie Leibewitz looks like shit.

95.

Do you know Fabio has a hair brush this long.. I swear! ive seen it… I love Fabio…

    96.

    this is the depth of thommo´s ass

97.

Listen, I am laying down the law. Why, oh why, would you ride functional boards?

98.

my magic board for dodging barrels is this wide and has a fin this long

99.

fucking aliens man

100.

Seriously, has anyone seen my sunglasses?

101.

I was about this close to punching schmoo in the head for the shit he was dribbling on the cwc webcast this morning. dude has lost his marbles. unfuckingbelievable.

    102.

    ironically there’s quite a distance between knost’s hands jay.. are you aware of how stupid you look

103.

“…and then Stab said they will also be giving a prize for the 101st caption of my picture and I said that sounds like a really fucking good idea guys..”

104.

the fags at stab deleted my comment about him taking it up the ass-rah!

105.

my poop this morning was this big

106.

joel turdors dick is this big.

107.

On a wave this big, I am the best surfer in the world.

108.

Those boards I shape throw THIS much spray!

109.

adriano’s pooh stance is this big.

110.

Yeah well um, ahh its ah caused by tight jeans, lack of bathing, crappy electro-pop, and ah…this much cocaine.

111.

Known mostly for his magic in the water, here, Alex Knost demonstrates how to turn lights ON and OFF in the living room without ever touching the switch.

112.

Alex Knost explaining “Hangin’ Ten” according to the Hawaiian scale.

113.

After years of dodging the authorities, Alex Knost finally surrenders to The Fashion Police.

114.

Dude, when I met John Holmes in my dreams. IT WAS THIS BIG!

115.

Im serious her ass was this BIG.

116.

fuck you guys ! …. i told you a hundred times now …
i am not fucking gay ! OK ?
so stop asking that idiotic question ….. fuck.

Oh and by the way ….
i like carrots about this long.

117.

the joint i just ripped, it was like thiiiiis fat

118.

my respect for kelly slaters surfing carrier, is like it way bigger than this

119.

Seriously, this is the gap that shows how overpaid I am when you compare my surfing skills to my contract size. However, as long as I can wear tight pants, have Chaz Dean put WEN in my hair and I can act like a hipster chipmunk I should be able to prolong this pro surfer things for another 2.5 years…..Then Geiselman will take it.

120.

Mandingo

121.

sooooo big

122.

I’m a pretty pretty boy …… love me …. now .

123.

and so i karate chopped that bitch with both hands

124.

caught a brim this big

125.

And I said listen, “it’s this big if ya know what I mean.” She just gave me a blank stare and we left it at that.

126.

“chill man!!…. i didnt know it was your can of tuna”

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